DISCONNECTED ENHYPEN

Comfort

Heeseung's POV

Sunghoon and Jake came to pick me up , I called them , if i didn't I wouldn't go back home for years,  I'm still analyzing this , I , once again , caused him pain .

Sunghoon left as soon as he knew I'm still breathing and have no suicidal thoughts,  left me with Jake,  who was the closest to me , but something was off , Jake never spoke a word , nothing,  no noise , no voice , no radio or music , only the tires of the car rolling as the ideas rolled in our heads , his eyes focused on the road , biting his lower lip , driving slowly , he was , just like me , lost in thoughts .. I wished we never arrive , I knew this isn't ending well , but we don't get what we wish for ! Do we ?

As soon as we arrived,  he got down of the car , looked at me in disappointment and i wished I died before seeing sweet Jake disappointed in me

-" Wear a jacket and come outside , we need to talk  , outside " Jake said , more like ordered , and walked alone in the darkness of the night , what a perfect timing for the night light to be broken

I did what he said , grabbed a jacket for each of us , and went to meet him , he wasn't there , I looked at both ends of the street , no sight of him , so I decided to go back inside

-" Why didn't you come to find me " Jake spoke coldly behind my back , and I felt sudden goosebumps at the creepy situation

-" You didn't seem to be fine , or willing to have a peaceful interaction " I replied,  knowing what's coming for me

-" You didn't think this way when you kept looking for Jay, spoke to him , and knocked him down " Jake never sounded this cold , I felt like he would kill me and smile at my body

-" Follow me to the car , I don't wantto draw attention" he said , walking away toward the car

I could've rejected simply , walked back to the building and act like this conversation never happened,  I could be crying over my dumb decisions , again , in my bed , wishing I never approached Jay , wait sunghoon until the next morning and get yelled at by him , at least he'll know how's Jay,  and he'll get tired from talking to me and leave me alone . But here I am , in the passenger seat,  Jake is driving again,  faster this time , biting his mouth from the inside,  avoiding me , I didn't feel like talking , I knew I was wrong , he had all the right to nag me , to beat me to death , but I didn't want to

I was always the older brother , the most reliable,  I always made right decision,  I was always the role model , no one nagged me , argued with me or disagreed , but Jay , over 5 years , no one made me reconsider my decisions except him ,it became our thing , now , getting nagged by anyone else , reminded me of him,  that he's no longer around to do this,  to tell me I'm wrong , to justify his position and clarify his thoughts,  to yell at me when I'm mistaken , and hug me tightly when I loose it and cry , no one will brush my hair with his hands while listening to my concerns and problems , no one would drag me by hand to the riverside to dance and scream my pain away , no one will company me on the best time o of my life after yelling his veins out of his neck at me because I prioritized others than me , no one will slow dance with me in the practice room because I'm unsure about anything , no one can be Jay,  because there's only one Jay,  and he's not around anymore, it hurts

My eyes started tearing, I couldn't hold my tears back , and faster than a lightning , I had my breakdown, I keep hurting him, causing pain , while all he did was comforting me and taking my pain away , he gave up his whole identity for us , but I couldn't give him up , the worst part is that I don't think that I will ever be able to do it ! I can't let go of him , and I can't keep him without hurting him

Jake parked the car , dragged me out of it , I had no strength to stand up , Jay's image showed up to me as i saw my reflection in Jake's eyes , I squatted down , hugged my legs and cried out loud , calling his name , trying to speak to him,  maybe he'll hear me through the sky he always loved , but I couldn't,  I couldn't say a word , I kept yelling none sense,  his name , and crying,  I needed comfort at that moment,  comfort only him could give me

-" Why does it hurt so much !" I yelled at the sky "Why'd you make me meet him , and separate me from him , why are you making me suffer while he can't even remember my name ! Why am I the only one left behind with all these memories , why do I have to live with this pain all alone ! And why can I still see him even he left , why only I get butterflies in my stomach seeing him smile,  why do I want to give him the world just by looking at him ! " I started loosing my power " Why do I remember every detail , when he doesn't even know me !"

Jake leaned close to me , patted my head , eyes full of tears , smiling through them , trying to make me feel it's alright " It's not alright,  I just want us to be happy , why do I hurt him by being close to him ! " I cried more and threw myself in Jake's arms , who surrounded me , patted my back and shushed me , just like Jay did , but it didn't feel the same " why do I still need his comfort now !"

-" Because you're soulmates " Jake whispered,  still patting my back " you can't get out of this , he still remembers you , no matter how his brain pushes you back,  you're still there"

-" I caused him pain,  I caused him to lay on the ground in pain , I don't deserve to be his soulmate !"

-" No one of us deserved him , but no one deserved being his soulmate more than you do " Jake comforted me , voice shaking " but you should step away , Heeseung !" He broke the hug , to look straight in my eyes

-" I can't " I replied,  given up , I tried , but always failed

-" Hoon called , he's not waking up ,this can be his worst situation,  we should all step back !" He said , eyes more teary , full of pain " we're killing him , Heeseung ! His brain is damaged,  he's forgetting things from his life there too"

I was shocked,  what is he saying

-" Sunghoon said so , he's dying , because we didn't let go of him when he was able to recover , we're killing him !"

The Australian ended up crying , as hard as I was , but I was numb , tears still fresh on my swollen face , Jake kept talking , I didn't hear anything , my brain was stuck on one word " he's dying "

How can I forgive myself !

Jake's POV

I was mad at him , I planned to scold him, avoided it on our 1st trip because I knew I might say some bad things , and break him even more , I was ready to hurt him with my words to wake him up , so he can stop , not until Sunghoon called , I was planning to scare Heeseung , but never thought I'll be the one delivering the news , that his soulmate is dying

I'm so sorry about the quality of this chapter,  i wrote it a while ago and I'm publishing it just because I have literally nothing else to post