DISCONNECTED ENHYPEN

EMPTY

Walking outside , and seeing some random man holding a recorder and talking to it must feel odd , right ? Maybe that's why everyone I passed by was staring at me , or maybe because the recorder was old enough to attract attention,  it wasn't mine anyway , I didn't need one , it was just there on sold when I decided to follow a stranger's advice , it looked like something my father used to have , a gray , was it dusty black ? , thing he used to record what his guests would say , so he includes the exact words in his articles ,I watched him use it millions of times ,but I never did , I was a curious child , and I'd ask about many things , but as I grew up , i knew that once something isn't mine,  I can't just hold it because I'm curious about it , and I shouldn't get myself included in things that doesn't concern me , even if i was curious. 

My neighbors weren't around , i could act more free since no one who knows my name is watching me , knowing my name seemed like knowing my biggest secrets to me , so I just walked freely , sun is about to go beyond the horizon,  the golden hour , satisfying to watch , satisfying to stare at people's faces , and things , being even prettier than the life treated them , but something is wrong,  there are new faces here , it's not like I know everyone here, but the typical facial pattern of this city is so easy to learn , you could always spot the difference,  the new people in here , and there are more new faces than a sudden guests would come to every family in the city , no one had the facial pattern,  no one was from this city !

I might be just bored , or overthinking things because I have nothing to do , but either ways I'm not even gonna wonder more , I'm too lazy,  if you wanna call it so , to care about the sudden changes of the population I've been looking at for 3 years now , i don't mind new faces , but they seem to mid my face here too

I was stared at , since I was a child , my mom's friends would tell her that my eyes are too big it might be a problem, they weren't big , I just had a tiny head when i was a baby , as I grew up , everyone kept staring, dad said it's because of my unique sharp facial features , while everyone else's tend to be calm and soft, so I got used to it , people walking and looking at me , some confused some impressed, but I'm not on the mood to analyze every look I get , or .. am I ?

Near my appartment,  there were an abondoned metro station,  I was heading there , it wasn't that near , but it wasn't far also , enough for me to feel exhausted from walking and spending 2 hours thinking about all the trains and people who once gave a life to this place , thinking how it would feel , if it had feelings , was it gonna be a sad memory , or would it hurt to feel abandoned by people , some would come by , the metro always goes by it since it's a part of the main line , but it never stopped here , it just goes by . I bet this place feels as lonely as I do in this new city . We had this common point , and that we both didn't feel actually .

I might seem to be sensitive according to my words , talking about time and abandoned places,  being lonely and never being wanted , it's true that I have these thoughts,  but , to be honest with you , these are just thoughts,  it has been a while since i last felt something,  i just realise what emotions and sensations the situation requires , I have the right expectation of emotions and i put their mask on , but , i don't feel it , So maybe the only feeling I have is emptiness !