Jefhalo oneshots

~Farmers And Creatures~

Among empty, grassy fields and small but dense forests, stood a peaceful farm, with creatures which aren't ordinary.

CRASSHHH

You know what? Cross out the peaceful. Constant incidents happen in that tiny area. Let's say the farmer isn't such a good caretaker of animals.

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Goods POV

GOD F*CKING DARN IT. THOSE LITTLE SH*TS GOT OUT THEIR BARN AGAIN. 'Get some candyfloss sheep' they said. 'they're very easy to take care of, and aren't very active' they said. GUESS I'M THE UNLUCKIEST GUY AROUND, EH?

I sprang downstairs, into my kitchen just to see the little *ssholes managed to crawl through the slightly open windows. And now not only they broke my plates, but even started eating my leftovers. I FED THEM HALF AN HOUR AGO.

I ran towards my backdoor, unlocked it and got back to the sheep to get them out as quick as possible.

"OI, HERE. YOU CAN'T BE IN HERE. THIRD TIME THIS WEEK, AND IT BETTER BE THE LAST TIME. NOW SHOO!" I screamed at them and shoving them to the direction of the door. Unlucky me, those b*stards are big and f*cking heavy.

As I tried to shove one to the door, another one started climbing on my sofa. Then when I went over to get it off, another one tried to go upstairs. Why don't I have one of those shepherd dogs...

The whole thing got to me, and after trying to push one outside, I fell onto my face and accepted defeat. I lay there on the spot as the other sheep came forward and started yelling at me and nudging me with their heads. I rolled over onto my back and stared at the lil f*ckers as one licked my face.

"so now you're all nice and innocent?" I stared off at them, two of them sitting down beside my fallen body. Either this was a game to them or they feel bad that I'm a big *ss loser.

Slowly I sat back up it seemed like they were finally ready to listen to me, even though it could've been nicer if they did it much earlier.

I got my *ss off the ground and pointed to the door, and thankfully the lil dumb*sses finally listened and trotted one by one out my house. That was much more tiring than it should've been. At least they're out.

I was about to head out before almost stepping on a broken shard of glass, realising the mess that lay in my kitchen. I'm going to lose my sh*t some day and cook one of these f*ckers.

I took a deep breath, and left the mess for later. I had to make sure the candyfloss demons weren't eating my plants or some other horrible thing they seem to like to do.

They were all sitting in my back garden thankfully, and I noticed the gate open which they obviously somehow figured out how to open. Reminding me that I'm getting locks with keys for that sh*t soon. I look back at them, now most were staring back at me. And it wasn't the good stares. It took a couple of seconds to process what was about to happen.

"... Don't yOU DARE-" A little f*cker headbutted my stomach, sending me onto the ground, hitting myself against the wall of my house. The others sped away to the haybales whilst this one walked back to the barn. What a smug b*tch.

I tried getting up quickly, clenching my stomach which hurt LIKE SH*T. I knew those sheep were going to roll them into the f*cking lake. Even though there IS a fence, they'll figure out a way. Oh I know they will.

I figure they'd be far by now, and so I waddled over to the nearby animal pen. Inside was the gold feathered ostrich. One of the only b*tches who actually listened at all times. He acted like my personal horse. Since I don't have any.

I quickly mounted the ostrich as the saddle is always on, and only had to point to where I wished to go. The sudden speed always slightly startles me, but it then gets really darn fun. The ostrich, named Kevin, swiftly ran across the field and up the hill to where the sheep had ran off to. I was a bit late, as a haybale rolled down, and one of the sheep used themselves as a f*cking ramp. The haybale bounced over the fence, and straight into the water. My well worked for hay...

I blown the whistle I managed to get take from my, now messed up like sh*t, kitchen before the sheep ran off again. Only about three of the sheep responded, them running up to me whilst two others were ready to knock off another haybale. I ordered Kevin to go near the sheep, and once getting there, I hopped off and tried to grab onto the haybale before it was completely gone.

Unfortunately, I'm not very strong when it comes to physical power. I got knocked onto the ground for the third time today, getting hay all over my clothes and face. Yet again, it splashed into the water.

I could hear the sheep baaing loudly. Clearly laughing. I was about to snap before hearing a strange noise over head.

I sat up and looked behind, only to see a sort of floating blocky vehicle flying over and onto one of my fields where my strawberry cows were.

I stared off at the thing. I never seen such thing. What was it here for?

If anything, I will not let it take my animals or anything of mine away. All this shit was too expensive to throw away like this.

Getting my fat *SS off the ground I mounted Kevin and ran to where the flying vehicle was seemingly going to land.

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Words: 996

Hardest writers block I've face. I'm still alive though.