Meet me again - (Sarah Paulson)

FALSEHOOD

TW - Self-Harm

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I heard Sarah stand up from the other room. "Gabrielle ?"

I froze but I suddenly heard her coming to the bathroom. She tried to open the door but I had locked it.

"Gabrielle ? Are you in here ? You're not supposed to lock the door honey." She said from behind the door .

I quickly took the handkerchiefs and put them on my thighs. "Ye-yes" I answered shaking.

"Open the door sweetie." She demanded with a nice tone.

"Wait I'm using the toilet." I said, trying to stop the blood coming from my wrists.

Sarah kept knocking on the door. "I need you to open the door. Now." Her tone was far more stern this time.

"I'm coming." I said, flushing the toilet and putting the blade in my pocket. I cleaned the mess and hid the proofs in my pockets. I opened the door and ran to the sink to pretend I was washing my hand but I was in reality rinsing my wounds.

Sarah pushed the door and looked at me with a worry face. I smiled at her and dried my hands in my towel.

"I'm sorry, as I was sleeping I was scared you would open the door of the bathroom, not knowing I was in here." I said, trying to look convincing. Sarah looked at me up and down, and then she analyzed all the bathroom with her eyes.

"You're looking for something ?" I asked. She put her eyes on me again and shook her head.

"You know you're not supposed to lock the door. Next time come to me before going to the bathroom." She demanded, very strictly, but clearly worry.

I nodded and came back to her room but she followed me. I needed to clean my cuts so I said that I was going to take a shower and she let me alone. I didn't lock the door but I was scared she would go inside, even if Sarah respected a lot my privacy and intimacy. I cleaned my sores and the blade and I put it back in the razor, with difficulty. I put on some clean clothes and hid the other ones at the bottom of the washing basket. I looked behind me to make sure I didn't let something she could take against me and I went to the main room of the apartment, where Sarah was correcting papers.

I sat in silence next to her as I was looking at my phone, completely denying what just happened. She raised her eyes in my direction and waited. But as I wasn't saying anything and I wasn't even looking at her, she put her hand on my thigh. I flinched as she touched my cuts and she immediately removed her hand.

"You're okay ??" She asked, starting to panic.

"Yeah, don't worry I just- I have muscle soreness, I did some exercises yesterday." I lied, but she seemed to believe me.

"I want to talk to you about what happened before." Sarah said.

I frown, not knowing what she was talking about. (I knew deep down but I wanted to avoid this talk.)

"We have set up in place rules, and you broke one of them. You remember what we said about breaking a rule ?"

I knew but I didn't want to talk to her. I never broke the rules since I came to live with Sarah. We set rules the first day I arrived, like to never lock the doors, to inform when I go out, to take my medication everyday, to talk with Sarah about everything that can put me in danger, or that is related to my mental and physical health, to never broke the trust between Sarah and I... But I broke in a day at least four rules...

And if I broke a rule, I was supposed to talk to Sarah and be totally honest with her. But it was not the worst part. If I broke a rule , I had to to eat in front of her, she had to lock the bathroom after I ate to make sure I wouldn't thrown up and I had to show her my body to prove that I didn't relapsed.

I shook my head to make her understand that I didn't remember the rules and what comes after you broke one. She sighed and explained it to me.

"So now, I want you to talk to me, about anything you want, but especially what you were doing in the bathroom."

I looked down but I really didn't want her to know about the relape. So I looked her in the eyes.

"I needed privacy for once. I know I'm not allowed to lock the doors but I just wanted to be alone and peaceful for a few minutes. I just used the toilet, I'm not going into details, and then you came." I said in a persuasive tone.

"Well, I came because I heard something fell on the floor. I thought you were asleep." She replied, trying not to miss any lie.

"My phone fell, you know how clumsy I am !" I laughed, but Sarah was still stern and worry.

"I promise if there was anything, I would have told you about it." I said pulling her in a hug, being careful not to touch her with my wounds.

"Okay honey. Just talk to me next time, we can set other rules for you to have more privacy."

I nodded as I thought Sarah believed me. I stood up after the hug and went to her bedroom, but I didn't notice the worry look Sarah gave me.