Meet me again - (Sarah Paulson)

SCHOOL

TW - Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorder

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The ring of the school woke me up at 7:00 but I stayed in bed until 7:15. It was my habit, I wanted to get some more sleep, and to get dressed alone, without my roommates in the room. So when I heard the door closed, I knew as every morning that they had left for breakfast, the four of them, without me because it was also a habit. I never take breakfast before school because I hate to eat too early, and they knew it. I got out of my bed, shivering when I stepped on the cold floor. Without turning on the light, I took my clothes that I knew I would wear today, because I think of my outfit days before. As today was a long day (I started my classes at 8am and finished at 6pm, with only an hour of break to eat at lunch, and I had this oral exam at 6:30pm) I chose to wear clothes I was feeling pretty in, an outfit that I considered as risky, because I chose a skirt. I never wear skirt, except in summer when they are very long. But today I chose a black top with camel colored buttons, and a skirt that stops just above the knees, which the color matched the top's buttons. I put a black tight, and a dark green long vest. I didn't put on makeup because I never do it, and I let my brown long straight hair down, with my bangs covering my forehead, as I always do. I feel so much comfortable when I have my hair down, it's like it protect me, and no one is going to notice me.

Anyway, I brushed my teeth, packed my bag and put an apple in it. I put my shoes, low white converse with rings patterns, watched myself one last time in the mirror to be sure everything fitted and I went out, ready to affront my long day.

First class was about English civilization, the teacher (that I profoundly hate) gave us articles to read and present to the class by groups. I sat with Sophia, a girl that I met last year, she was already in my class but we never really talked before this year. She is the nicest girl in my class, honestly if she wasn't here, I would not make it to class. She is so motivating and she is the only one that understand, well that respects my weird habits. Like in class, I have to sit next to a door or a window which have to be open, otherwise I feel so bad, like I can't breath, I'm trap and I can't escape. Sometimes, other students ask me to close the window because they are cold, I do it, trying to act normal and not like I start to sweat of stress. And the only one to notice is Sophia, and she always has this kind word or gesture like "it's okay" to make sure that I can do it. Well, Sophia is a really good friend, but she doesn't know about what I really feel, no one knows.

So at the end of the civilization class, the teacher asked us to go in front of the class and present the article. I wasn't nervous, because as I said before, I don't feel anything. So I did the job, and in the middle of my presentation, the teacher stopped me. "Mmmhh, class ? Can you understand what she is saying?" The class nodded, obviously, English in not my native language but my level is good, so everyone usually understand me. "Because I can't understand what you are saying, speak clearly please." I was kinda of shocked but I finished my presentation quickly, with my eyebrows rise at the teacher to make him understand that I didn't liked his reflection, but I think he didn't notice.

At the end of the two hours of civilization, we had three hours of french literature. Even if I'm french, I just hate this subject, so I spent the three hours, drawing, thinking, living my whole life just inside my head.

The ringing of end of class took my imagination away and I packed my bag and walked out to the cafeteria. I didn't wait for my friends, I just wanted to go to my room quickly after lunch. I ate a bit, not that much but enough to have energy for the end of the day.