Diary: Whispers of the Heart

Present Day...

I don't know what to do with my life. I don't feel the charm of living anymore...

Should I also join other madmen in the pursuit of endless wealth?

     Or run away to some  mountain like a Sufi saint or sage in the search of redemption? 

                Or just end my life and finish this endless drama of breathing?

But I must at least document my emotions before I turn into dust.  Else what is even the meaning of all those emotions, moments, my life?

Then I wonder, what's so special about my life that I should spend time writing it down?

Is it even worth scribbling? Will anyone even read it? I don't know!!!

        I am not even a writer, for God's sake...

Then again, it may resonate with at least one soul reading it...

                 "Same frequency people" - as she believed.

Maybe I want to memorialize her  in my words. And in the process, I'll get to live those days, those moments again, in my thoughts, at least.

So here I am... glued to my desk, in a dark room with just an electric lamp illuminating the pages of my diary. While I try to kill the hours of my life by burning my lungs with the smoke of cigarettes, I close my eyes and think about what went wrong.

Was it my fate, my foolishness, or just a prank by God?

Today, as I look back on my life's journey, all I can remember are those 4 years!

Years full of living moments and moments filled with music, dance, emotions, and lots of dreams.

& those eyes, the eyes that had a multitude of expressions in them.

The eyes that took their last breath while staring back at me... asking for answers (which I never had...) The only heart in the galaxy that loved me genuinely.

And that love caused her death...