Non Verbal

48

"Or he was hiding something."

"Well yes, that too I guess." I chuckle.

"Don't laugh at me."

"I am not."

"You are." She replies, questioning me as I smile at the road.

I shake my head.

"Rowan."

"What?"

"What-"

"Nothing it's just, the way you think amuses me."

She huffs, offended. "The way I think should be endearing to you, not amusing."

I laugh. "It's endearing. Don't worry."

She mumbles something under her breath and I don't bother to nudge her to say it again, I just chuckle to myself.

Lottie sulks. "You upset me."

I nod. "Yeah, I gathered this from our earlier argument."

"I am over that, I mean-"

I smile. "Over it?'

"Yeah, are you over me being mean to you?"

I look at her quickly, raising an eyebrow. She looks at the road panicked, and I look back gaining back the information of our surroundings.

She's a very nervous passenger.

"Yeah, I wasn't mad at you Lottie. You were mad at me, remember?"

"Well I mean, like- surely you got pissed off that I was pissed off?"

"No, I mean I wasn't happy that you were mad, but you didn't anger me."

"You weren't pissed off? Even when I was being nasty because I was annoyed?"

I shrug. "Nah, not often an angry person."

She makes a small noise, almost in disagreement and I ask her to elaborate on the sound.

"I saw you- er like- when you punched that door. That was you being angry."

I go a little cold, a mixture of shame and pain travelling down me as I remembered the way my head was so loud, how I had gotten so frustrated in front of her.

How I scared her.

Ah hell. Did I apologise for that whole thing?

I don't think so.

"Shit I never apologised for-"

"Rowan." She interrupts. "No, stop. Why would you apologise?"

I look at her. "For punching a brick wall in front of you?" I raise an eyebrow, her eyes on my face as I concentrate back on driving. "That wasn't sane behaviour, and it wasn't something that I should have done near someone else. Especially you."

She lets out a small breath. "Especially me?"

I don't want her to see me like that. Not in control. It was bad then, but it's gotten so much better.

Plus that anger would never be channelled towards her. It's always at myself. I would never hurt her and I hope she knows that. I hope she never made a comparison.

"Like because I don't want you to have that impression of me."

"Do you struggle with anger Roe?"

I look at her. "I just told you I am not inherently an angry person-"

"Eyes, road. Please."

I look at the road.

She watches me though. Which seems unfair.