Color Blind

Chapter Forty-Eight

AN: Alice in Chains' 'A Little Bitter' (live version).

* * *

It was Sunday night and Nancy couldn't sleep. That wasn't anything new, of course. It had just been a long time since she'd lain awake in her bedroom.

Cole was curled up on the other side of the bed, dead asleep. Must be nice. She would have liked to sleep.

"No, please...I'm sorry...Dad, I didn't mean..."

She sighed and rolled over to look at him. He was still asleep, taking more than his fair share of the blankets. How was she supposed to wake him up? There was no way she was going to shake him.

"Cole." she hissed. "Wake up, you're dreaming."

He silenced and she tugged some of her blankets back from him. It was only fair that she reclaim what was rightfully hers.

"Nance?"

When had he woken up? She was trying to sleep, for crying out loud!

"Hi."

"What time is it?"

"Late."

He stretched out and there was a hissing noise from the foot of the bed. Sadie jumped off and gave them a scornful look before leaving the room.

She would never get to sleep now. Maybe she would get up and have a brownie or something.

Mm. Brownies.

Yeah, she needed one, and she needed it now.

"Do you want a brownie?"

"We have brownies?"

"We have to make them, but yes."

He was quiet for several minutes.

"Please."

"Come help."

He groaned but got out of bed and fumbled for the light switch. He could fumble, but she knew her way around just fine.

Brownie mix, brownie mix...ah. Brownie mix. About time.

* * *

Half an hour later, they had brownies. Sadie wasn't very interested, fortunately.

"I'd forgotten I had these." Nancy said. "I guess I just stuffed them in the pantry one day."

"Mm."

"You okay?"

"Just tired. Nervous."

"I bet. You'll be fine."

"Yeah, but...he's never met me. He doesn't know about these." He gestured to his arms. "They scare people."

There was nothing she could say to that. She really couldn't blame people for being unnerved. She knew he was perfectly harmless, but they didn't-how could they?

"He's seen your work. That's what matters."

"Yeah, I guess."

"You'll be fine." she said again. "Promise. Think of it this way-you've been through the rough stuff. Anything after that...you can handle it."

He snorted.

"My dad never approved of my drawing." he said softly. "Never. Used to tell me it was sissy stuff. I wonder what he'd say if he knew?"

She didn't say anything. What could she say? She doubted that his dad would suddenly start gushing over him for this.

"Cole..."

"When I was a kid...he used to tear them up. They weren't good or anything, but...I don't know. My mom used to keep them, though. She had a little folder of them." He sank back into the cushions and looked up at the fan. "I don't know if she took it with her when she left."

She'd left? She'd left her son with an abusive maniac? Nancy had thought she must have died or something. No mother in their right mind would leave her child with a man like Sean. What a bitch.

"Your mom left?"

"When I was six or so. I don't miss her very much."

She didn't believe him. Just like she didn't believe him when he said he didn't think about Sean at all.

"No?"

"No." He took a deep breath and moved so he was lying on the couch instead. "She left me there with...him. She knew what he was like. All that didn't just start after she left. He's always been like that. As long as I can remember."

Oh, boy. He was in a sharing mood. Maybe it would be good for him to get it out now, when the phone wasn't likely to ring.

"Always?"

"Yeah. Right before my mom left, he knocked my two front teeth out. They were just baby teeth, but...she didn't like it. They had a big argument, lots of yelling. And then she left and didn't come back. She just left me there, didn't even say goodbye."

His voice was starting to shake.

"I'm so sorry."

"I thought he'd kill me. By accident. He was always apologetic later, but during...god, I thought he'd break my neck."

"Cole..."

He didn't seem to realise she was there. Maybe that was for the best.

"He was the one who got me hooked. Shared some of his own with me when I was fifteen. It got worse after that. I was seventeen when he about strangled me, thought I'd taken some of his supply while he was gone. I woke up on the floor with a swollen neck and had to stay home for a week."

That did it. The tears he'd been holding back finally broke through, leaving him a sobbing, shuddering heap on the couch. Nancy slipped to the floor beside him and touched his hand.

"It's all right, Cole, it's all right...just let it out, you're okay."

"N-Nance?"

"Shh. You're okay. I'm gonna get you a glass of water, all right?"

He shook his head.

"Stay. Please."

"I'll be right back..."

"Please."

"Okay."

She put her hand on his head, half-expecting him to pull back. He didn't. That was good.

"You're okay." she soothed. "You're fine, he can't hurt you anymore."

It was a good half-hour before he calmed down enough to sit up and shuffle into the bathroom. When he came back, he wouldn't look at her.

"You okay?"

"Thanks, Nance."

"Come on." she said. "Let's go back to bed. You need some sleep."

"I can't."

"Just try."

He was out cold within ten minutes. Nancy, on the other hand, lay awake until the alarm went off.