Out Of Control - How It Ended

41

TW's:
-None

George's POV

Clay and Sapnap came back a bit later and Clay sat next to me, lifting me on his lap. He kissed my cheek and smiled. 'I love you. I feel happy today, honey.'

I smiled shyly and hugged Sheep because I got happy when he was happy.

'I'm glad I went to therapy again, because it's helping me a lot. I want to live a happy life again and I'm on my way to that.'

I had a bright smile and started rocking out of excitement. I got so attached to people and when they were in pain, it was hurting me a lot. I was glad Clay accepted the help he needed now.

Clay let my feet rest on the side of his body and turned my face to him. He kissed my lips shortly. 'I just really want you to know how much I love you,' he whispered. 'I just talked with Sapnap and we also shortly talked about you. I just want you to know that you never have to be scared with me. Can you come with me for a second?'

I nodded and grabbed my friends to go with Clay. We went outside and Clay sat down with me on his lap again.

'I just talked with Sapnap and then remembered what you told me when I was in the hospital. That you're scared I'll leave you.'

I nodded slowly. 'That's my biggest fear.'

'Why would I leave you, baby?'

'Because I get too difficult or because I grow up too slowly. Because I don't want to do more sexual things with you or maybe I do want to, but I don't dare to. Maybe I'm annoying with all my questions.'

'Honey, listen. Would you like me to help you more with the sexual part?'

'How?'

'I can just help you with everything you find scary. Just as I held your hand the first time you touched me. I can explain to you step-by-step what to do.'

'Was it scary when you did that other thing to me?'

'I was a little bit scared, but it ended up being totally fine.'

'Was it gross?' I whispered.

'Not to me,' Clay answered as he kissed my cheek.

'Maybe I would dare to if you explained and helped me.'

'Then I will. Only if you're ready, though.'

'Clay, you're very sweet and I get very happy when you try to help me. Thank you for not laughing at me when I find it hard or have troubles to do something.'

'I just want you to know that you don't have to do more things with me if you find them too scary. I would be okay with us taking the next step in ten years. Our relationship is out of love and not about the sexual part of it.'

I giggled shyly and hid my face. 'Are you proud of me?'

'I'm really proud of you.'

'I love you very much and I think I don't tell you enough.'

'I love you too. I love everything about you, including your autism. You wouldn't be George without autism and I fell in love with George with autism.'

'I fell in love with Clay with ADHD,' I muttered since I knew he was insecure about his ADHD.

Clay's cheeks heated up and he looked at me. 'That means so much to me, sweetie. I struggle more with ADHD then I make it seem like I do and it's one big insecurity of me.'

'I know, but I love you with ADHD, because you aren't Clay without it either. Clay? I want to ask you something.'

'Okay, Georgie.'

'Do you want to stop hiding your ADHD? I would like you to feel like you're able to be yourself and you can. You can also show me how you really are.'

'I'd be a bit overwhelming for you.'

I shook my hand and wrapped my arms around his waist, looking up at him. 'I love you either way.'

'I'll be pretty hyperactive,' Clay said. 'I always try to suppress the feeling of restlessness by just moving a lot, but I'll be very energetic if I don't do that.'

'Then you'll be energetic,' I said with a soft smile. 'I can be myself and so can you. What changes when you are yourself?'

'I'm more energetic, unfocused or the opposite, hyper-fixated. I like stimming, but I've never done that when I was with someone and I interrupt people more. I've always tried to keep it down a lot and then when I was alone I just had an extreme energy outburst.'

'You don't have to hide,' I whispered with a smile. 'I love you either way.'

'I've always been a bit afraid that people find my stims weird.'

'I stim too,' I muttered as I hugged him tightly.

'Are you sure you can deal with me?'

'Yes, you're not allowed to hide yourself. I wish I would have known earlier too so you wouldn't have to hide it for so long.'

'I know you like talking a lot about things you like, but can I tell you about YouTube? I get very excited about that.'

I nodded and Clay kissed my cheek with a big smile. He seemed really happy that I let him talk about YouTube and he started explaining to me how editing worked and about the sweet comments he got.

I knew I didn't want to get interrupted when I was excited so I let Clay talk for at least ten minutes. His whole face stood happy and he got so excited that he started moving his legs heavily and hugged me tightly.

It was kind of upsetting to me that he had been hiding behind a mask to not show his ADHD so he could help me, but I was still glad I finally figured it out now.

Clay stopped talking after twenty minutes and kissed me shortly. 'I love you. Thank you for telling me that I don't have to hide anymore. Even though I trust you fully and I've always been myself to you the most I could, I was afraid to overwhelm you and put myself aside to help you.'

'I need less help now.'

Clay smiled and hugged me as he kissed me another time. He kissed me for a few seconds and smiled again. 'You're the best thing that ever happened to me.'

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