Out Of Control - How It Ended

33

TW's:
-Mentions past suicide attempt
-Derealisation
-Panic attack
-Car crash
-Overdose

Clay's POV

I woke up when Sapnap and George were gone and sat up as I stared in front of me. I really wanted to go upstairs, close all the curtains and just lay in bed, but I decided not to. Instead, I just sat here while staring and turned on the television to just switch between channels to see if there was something fun to watch.

There wasn't anything fun so I just kept switching. I never watched television that often so I didn't have any idea of what each channel was for and ended up clicking on a random channel, staring in front of me without any emotion on my face.

There was a quiet scene in front of me, a boy was walking to a room and then opened the door. There sounded a terribly loud creaking sound which made me feel a bit scared since you only heard footsteps and that sound.

I kept staring and waited for the door to fully open, seeing the scene switch to another angle. It took me a few seconds to realise what I was seeing and my heart seemed to stop as I saw someone hanging from the roof with a rope around his neck. I tried to grab the remote to turn it off, but I started shaking so badly that I didn't manage to turn it off.

The other boy started screaming, it was a painful and broken scream, causing me to hear myself screaming again. I threw the remote away after turning the whole television off and I started hyperventilating as I saw the images so clearly in front of me again.

What if George wasn't okay? What if Sapnap left him for a bit and he walked off to commit suicide? I needed to go to him, but my body was shaking too badly. I saw the rope around his neck again, I saw myself taking the rope off while I screamed and cried for him to wake up. The pain started crushing my body, I felt the same pain as I did back then.

TW overdose (medication)

I grasped onto the couch as I felt lightheaded and then remembered my medication. I needed them to calm down, I needed it so I crawled to the spot where Sapnap last laid them down and grabbed ten of them. I wasn't thinking straight at all and put them all in my mouth, swallowing them immediately with some old and disgusting water close to me.

TW over (symptoms are still described)

I felt so restless that I grabbed five more pills and put them in my pocket as I tried to stand up to walk to my car. I needed to go to George, he wasn't okay and I really needed to be there for him. I needed him, I needed his hugs. He couldn't leave me, I would die without him.

There was so much panic in my body and I felt a bit nauseous as I sat down in my car. The world was spinning around me, but I still started the car after ten attempts and started driving to the ice rink so I could be with George.

TW derealisation 

However, I started feeling worse and worse and it seemed like the world around me wasn't real anymore. It all moved in slow motion, I didn't hear any sounds around me anymore and the pain in my chest didn't make it better. I started questioning myself if I was actually in the real world still or if everything had been fake all this time.

TW over

My heart was beating incredibly fast while I was still hyperventilating and I grabbed another two pills, swallowing them quickly to stop the pain inside. I didn't focus on the road at all and just drove to the ice rink. I had no idea where I was going, but I knew it was somewhere this way.

I suddenly started shaking even more since I felt very cold and my head was pounding. I had a dry mouth and started drinking a lot of my water while everything felt so incredibly slow around me. I felt like passing out, or maybe just falling asleep, but I knew that I didn't feel good.

I just wanted to get to George, he needed to be okay. The flashbacks didn't stop and I kept seeing George hanging in front of me, what if he did it again? What if he left me and I would have to go through that intense and terrible pain again? The pain of seeing the love of your life hanging in front of you with a pale face and a lifeless expression.

TW car crash

I ended up being so unfocused on the road that I lost control over the wheel. I was really confused and just let go of the wheel as I had a really bad pain in my chest while my head was hurting me so bad that I just closed my eyes to get rid of the pain.

Suddenly everything went really fast. I heard a loud sound and it seemed like someone was holding the horn in his car. I slowly looked up and noticed I was driving next to the road now. I was too slow and drowsy to reply quickly and lifted my hands back to the steering wheel, trying to move it. I was feeling so bad and unconscious that I just let go of it again and stared at a pole coming closer.

With an extreme high speed, I bumped into the big pole next to the road. Within seconds I heard glass shatter in front of me and my eyes got bigger as I realised I just crashed the car.

I noticed I wasn't wearing my seatbelt since I suddenly flew forwards, hitting my head on the wheel which was covered in glass. It took just another second before I felt something warm drip down my face. I tried to lift my hand to feel it, but I felt so bad that I felt my whole body getting numb. Not even a second after I tried to lift my hand, I lost consciousness.

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