{We fell in love in October- girl in red}
You and Bucky were laying down on his bed both staring at the ceiling and having random conversations about everything.
"So how's your boyfriend situation?" Bucky asked.
"He keeps tryna reach me through his best friend. I'm never really in the mood to answer."
"Oh. Will you though? Like in the future."
You thought about it. "No." You just say plainly.
"What about you? Any girlfriends in the last 2 years?" You asked.
"What are you kidding, have you seen me?"
"Yes I have. That's why I'm asking." You smiled.
"No. I had other things to worry about, like not being caught. And healing after the explosion."
Your smile quickly faded. "How bad was it?"
"What, the injury or the explosion?"he quizzed.
"Both."
"The explosion destroyed everything. I wasn't inside the building when the explosion happened. The truck or car that I was in was only parking towards it. I don't remember much of what happened after that. Only the fact that the Russian guards started discussing if they want to bring me in as, well Barnes, or the Winter Soldier."
"I'm guessing they chose option two, judging by the whole situation." You stated. He nodded.
"Then after that all I can remember is that I was in pain. A lot of pain. Mostly physical because I couldn't remember what happened before that."
"It must feel awful knowing that someone could control you with only a few words." You blurted out.
"Yeah," he sighed.
"Sorry I didn't mean for it to come out like that."
"No it's fine. You're absolutely right. I've caused others so much pain, I think I deserved feeling some of it myself."
"Bucky," you stuttered turning your head to look at him. He had a calm expression on his face.
"You definitely don't deserve everything that happened to you."
"You're only saying that just to make me feel better. Besides you don't even know half of the things I've done. As I recall, on our first encounter I almost killed you."
"No," you protested "That was my first encounter with the Winter Soldier."
"Y/N it's the same thing. It's me, doesn't matter."
You chewed on the side of your mouth thinking of what else to say.
"I'd give anything to stop this."
"Yeah but I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you. Not again. It's my fault, I told Tony your location. If it weren't for me nothing would've happened. The last two years were just the consequences of my own actions, that managed to take bigger affect on others, Tony feels guilty that's why he's helping you. It's sort of clearing his conscious."
"You thought you could trust Stark. And as per usual, proved wrong."
"I would argue with you right now, but at that time yes." You said.
You lay in silence.
"Sleeping well?" You asked breaking the silence.
"Huh?"
"How's your sleeping?"
"Can't sleep without the pills."
"Pills?" You said surprised.
"Yeah, some strong stuff Stark gives me. It also helps me to not dream about anything. Just black."
"And...you like that?" You lifted your eyebrows.
"Well, yes. It's better than hearing the screams of the people I killed."
"Right, yeah yeah." You agreed.
Bucky chuckled shaking his head.
"Did I change from the last time you saw me?" You hopped onto another subject.
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know, like did I get taller? Did I gain weight? Did I lose weight? Did I-"
"No, you look amazing. Just a bit, I don't know, dimmer?"
"Dimmer?" You repeated. "Like as in sad, or as in I'm grey?"
He laughed "No like as in tired."
You furrowed your eyebrows while looking at him.
"Oh perhaps I should add, no it's not because you're not wearing make up. You barely wear it anyways." He rolled his eyes.
You grinned turning your head back to the ceiling.
"Can't really have much brightness in your life when the love of your life is dead."
"I'm the love of your life?" He gasped extra dramatically.
"Oh don't flatter yourself." You nudged him.
He looked away, smiling to himself.
"And also the last time I checked I'm very much alive."
"Still haven't quite processed it yet. It feels like I'm in a dream, but I'm scared to wake up from it cause you won't be around."
"Well you're not in a dream," Bucky said. "Look," he took your hand and put it on his face, lifting it up and down jokingly. You chuckled holding his hand. You locked eyes for a moment, you saw your whole world in them. Oh how badly you wanted to kiss him right there, but you were interrupted by a sudden knock on the door. You both sprang out of bed. Bucky walked towards the door opening it.
It was Steve. "How you guys doing here? I hope I didn't interrupt anything."
Yes you did. "No not at all," you said smiling.
Stark popped from behind Steve.
"Hey guys wanna grab some dinner?"
You laughed nodding.
"Uh, sure?" Bucky shrugged.
