Club Echo

No Time To Die

It's the middle of the day, and just like these past couple of weeks, I laid flat on the couch with my gaze plastered on the ceiling. My thoughts are killing me. I don't want to leave my apartment either because I'm too weak to even bring myself to go out and face the world.

A frantic knock pulled my attention. This is not the first time someone paid me a visit. Rosie came frequently, and even though I would never answer, she understood that I needed space. But, she still paid me a visit, nonetheless. Scarlett also came a couple of times. The only time I ever showed myself was in front of her. We didn't talk much because she knew that talking about it, especially when it was still fresh, was not a good idea. She respected that. The last time I saw her, which was a couple of days ago, was when I gave her the puppy to take care of because there were days where I would forget to feed him. I told her it was only temporary and she took the little guy respectfully.

"It's Margot. Please open up." Margot spoke softly. "I'm worried about you. Let me just see you for a second, then I'll leave-"

I swung the door open, meeting her tender gaze. I sluggishly stood in front of her, my eyes feeling droopy from all the tears I've shed. It's obvious that I haven't been taking care of my body. I didn't care at this point. I don't know what to do with myself.

"Oh my god, Y/N." Margot pulled me in, giving me her warm embrace. "What happened to your hand?" She held my arm to show the damage that I've done.

I didn't say anything nor did I want to. I feel tired and numb thinking about what I should say to explain myself. So, I remained silent. I stood emotionless in front of her. That's all I could do.

"Please, let me take you to the emergency room to get this looked at."

Margot's eyes say it all. I've never seen her this worried before. It almost made me feel guilty for mindlessly punching the wall aggressively during the times where the pain would become unbearable. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even realize that she had pulled me outside. The next thing I know is that I'm inside of her car. I didn't try to fight because I personally don't think I have the energy to do something about it. This is the least I could do for my body. It's been through hell these past couple of weeks.

Everything went by in a blur. The drive there, Margot checking me in to the nurses tending my wounds. All I heard from them was that I fractured my hand. I didn't care enough to pay anything that they were saying any attention. I feel like a zombie being outside and acting the way that I am. After they put a cast on my hand, I mindlessly walked in the hallway of the hospital, in search of the bathroom. I stopped on my tracks the second my peripheral vision caught something.

My feet dragged me toward the stacks of magazines, but there was one in particular that felt like someone stabbed me in the chest. I picked up the magazine slowly while my hand trembled uncontrollably. I swallowed the lump that took form in my throat as my gaze remained glued to the many pictures of Robbie and Lizzie together in public holding hands, showing public display of affection.

My chest began to heave like never before and I could feel the pain I've felt these past couple of weeks coming back for me. It builds up from my stomach, making its way to my chest, making me feel like I could burst at any moment. I couldn't take it anymore, so I ran to the nearest bathroom. I closed the stall I was in as fast as I could before I sunk to the ground with my knees pushed up against my chest. I clenched my jaw, hoping that maybe this time, I'm strong enough to pull myself together and I wouldn't break down completely. But, I was wrong. I broke down like my life depended on it. I tried muffling my heart wrenching sobs but there was no way to mask the pain that my heart had been feeling.