Falling for him

Chapter 25

Mattheo's pov

One month , one month since I have lost her . One month since my dad and the death eaters took the control of Hogwarts . He forced me to be by his side , and I couldn't do anything else than obey .

Anything didn't matter anymore anyways , she was gone . The only love of my life , the reason of me being on earth , the light in my darkness , my everything .

I woke up everything , dressed up , ate without a smile , without a laugh , without joy , without any emotions . Like a ghost , nothing mattered to me  , nothing brought me confort or hapiness , everything was empty .

I spent my days in Hogwarts , wandering the halls , I didn't talk to anyone amymore . During each day , my face did not betray any emotions , any feelings , even if the only ones that could have shown would have being the suffering and the sadness.

Neverless , each night , without exceptions , alone in my dorm , I let tears ran on my face , I screamed her name so many time with the hope and she came back , I hugged her clothes against me , the smell of which faded a little more each day .

I had the stupid hope that the days would ease the pain , how I was dumb . Every day seemed like a new ordeal , harder than the previous , my tears did not fade , my joy did not come back .

Everything in this castle remembered me of her and it drove me crazy . I still saw her in classes , at the front of the class , reading and studying in the library , running in the hallways , laughing in the great hall , joking , dancing , singing in the slytherin common room , sleeping next to me in my dorm during the best night of my life .

The sound of her gigle in my head repeated endlessy , tirelessy to rememenbered me that I'd never hear her laughing again , never hear or see her again , never . The memory of her were now my hell and heaven .

I watched the students walking in the hallways , they were scared , terrified for the most of them , Hogwarts had changed , not in a good way but they still had people to love and who love them .They could still laugh , I heard them while walking in the hallways at midnight , laughing in secrets with their friends , when all the people they were scared of were gone .

Joy and hapiness were still here , hide and shy , but still here in their hearts , everybody had hope , hope that all of this would finish one day and they would come back to their normal lifes , laugh loud again and be perfectly again .

I hadn't , hope was useless . Nobody could bring me relief or weal anymore . A hollow had taken place in my chest , seeming to replace my heart .

One month that I lived or should I say survived like this but any day was longer than the previous , harder than the previous , darker than the previous. 

I was sat next to a window in my dorm , watching the rain while the tears were running down my cheeks . Pictures of y/n and me , when we were child , singing and dancing in the rain , took place in my mind .

And at this moment I knew , I knew that I could never be happy again , not without her . I tried my best but I miserably failed . I needed her to live and without her , life was worth nothing .

I wasn't strong enough to continue to live if she wasn't by my side .

I walked to the astronomy tower , it was empty . I looked at the sky . I let out an empty laugh . How could a personn be so important that the sky looked so less beautiful without her . 

How could I hope to manage to live without her when the stars didn't even shine anymore now that she was no longer there . She meant the world to me and the world meant nothing to me without her by my side .

I walked closer of the edge of the tower and looked at the ground 50 meters lower . Not even the smallest part of me was trying to stop me , like if all of me knew that it was the only thing to do , the only thing which could make me feel closer to her .

I wanted to see her again , I needed to see her again , I couldn't live without her . Nobody cared about me and I didn't about anybody else . She was my everything .

I was standing at the edge of the tower . The rain and the wind stroked my face . I was cold but it felt good . I closed my eyes . All the pictures of my life were running through my head .

All about her , I saw us running together as children , laughing together as teenagers . I saw myself kissing her and her kissing back , I saw us during this night where everything changed , then I saw her crying and yelling at me after I told about Nott .

I saw myself yelling at her and rejecting her . My heart sank . How could I have told her those things .Then I saw her and I sleeping next to each other , peacefully , her in my arms , her head on my chest and I saw our hands holding each others , us standing in frony of my father .

I told her I loved her and she told me she loved me . And then , the green light , the sound of the death spell being cast , her body having disappeared forever , not even letting me hugging her one last time .

" Y/n I love you , forever and ever " I muttered in the darkness and the cold , as close as possible to the edge.

And I took one last step forward....