Falling for him

Chapter 3

Mattheo's pov

I was back at Hogwarts but, for the first time since first year I wasn't by her side. I'd love be now. But I know I couldn't. Not this time. Not anymore.

I sighed. God, my life was so easier last year. I remembered the moment when the mess in my head started.

At the beginning of last year, we were having fun, near to the Black lac, we were laughing and I started to noticed how incredibly beautiful she was.

Her shiny eyes, her soft skin, her gorgeous hair, her sweet laugh, her perfect perfum... I smiled at those thoughs. She still was laughing.

She looked so perfect. I wanted so hard slip my hand on her cheek, stroke her lips. Then, get closer to her and tasted her lips.

And, at this moment, I knew that something was wrong in me. She was my sister, half-sister in fact, but still..
I couldn't. She would be horrified if she knew my thoughts and how bad I wanted her.

I couldn't tell her. But I couldn't resist.
But I had to. So my smiled fainted. She noticed it and asked me.

" Theo? Is everything ok? You look sad"?

She said that looking at me with her adorable puppies eyes. It was too much for me.

I got up from the ground and said

" Humm, yeah, I have to go, bye"

And I left her like this. I knew, it was immature, mean and stupid to leave her like this without any reason. But everything in her looked like she was made for me.

I ran to my dorm and threw myself on my bed, mentally screaming. I was fucked. I knew it. I couldn't to this anymore, stay with her and act like everything was normal because it wasn't.

I was fucking in love with my best friend and half-sister. I couldn't tell her how I felt.

I had to keep my distances with her. No matter how hard it would be.
I had to keep her safe from this awful feelings of mine.

From this moment, I started to avoid her, in every way possible. I saw how hurted she was and how she tried to talk to me.

I saw her crying when I kept avoiding her. I secretly hated myself for the harm I was doing to her. But I had to stay strong. I was doing this for her.

Nothing else that her happiness mattered. Nothing else.

When the year finished and we came at home. She didn't talk to me.
I locked myself in my room and i knew she was doing the same.

The summer passed slowly, it was the first time we didn't pass it together.
It was so fucking boring without her. Everything in my life was so fucking boring and dark without her.

I didn't smile anymore. I didn't laugh anymore. The only way I found to survive was think about her.

Imagining that, in another life, things would be different and we could be happy together.

But we weren't in another world and she was my half-sister, who I was in love with, who I had to protect to myself who would hurt her by telling her the truth about my feelings.

I couldn't even see her, or I would crack and tell her everything. So I did my best to avoid her. I succeeded because I didn't see her during all the holidays.

Summer finally finished and we came back to Hogwarts. In the train I sat alone like I was now used to be.
I started read a book but suddenly I heard a voice that I immediately recognized. Her voice.

I saw her on the quay, hugging Pansy. Her other best friend I though, but then I remembered I wasn't anymore her best friend. It was breaking my heart. Even after all the efforts I did to be insensitive to her. But I knew I could never be insensitive to her.

The train left the gare and I kept reading my book. But I couldn't do this anymore. I had to see her. Not talk to her. But just see her.

I went to the corridor and started to walk, looking quickly all the window of the compartment to see where she was. Then I saw her.

But her gaze was already on the window so her eyes and mine met. I couldn't look away I was like hypnotized by her gaze.

I felt a tension settle in my whole body. The seconds passed without any of us looking away. I was looked deep in her beautiful eyes. God I missed them so much.

But she suddenly looked away. Hardly, I did too and trying not to crack, I returned to my compartment.

The train finally arrived to Hogwarts. I went down quickly and made my way to the castle. Honestly it was good to be back, this castle was like a second home for me.

But without her by my side it was strange and I couldn't help but feel sad. I went to the great hall for the traditional sorting ceremony.

I sit at the slytherin table, alone. And I saw her sitting further with her friends. She was laughing. Damn, he rlaugh was so sweet, I missed that so much too.

The feast begun and I started eating. I was lost in my thoughts when I felt a gaze on me. I left my gaze and, for the second time of the time, my eyes met hers.

Once again it was incredibly hypnotizing and it made me feel so good and so bad at the same time. But, once again, she looked away.

God, I hurted more every time.

I remembered that during the summer, I asked myself if it wasn't just a simple crush and if, once back at Hogwarts, it would simply had disappear.

How silly I was. Not only, it had not disappeared but now, I was certain that it wasn't just a crush.

At this moment I knew I loved her and I would loved her forever..

.............................................................. To be continued ..........................................................