It's That 'I Hate You' Kind of Love

([not so] secretly hoping there's going to be at least one person to read through this whole note).

(If you want to skip, [I guess I would wish that you didn't though, just because I want everything to be clear], go to the lines because you'll definitely want to read that).

Deep breath.

Hi.

So I'm just going to come out and say it:

I hate this book. I love this book. [How ironic right? Yes, it's that I hate you kind of love between me and my story, and Charlotte, and even Carson.]

It's really important to me that I get this across correctly.

I love this book. Okay? I love this book.

I love the Harry Potter and Disney references at the beginning. I love the ITIHYKOL (ITIHYKOL ITIHYKOL ITIHYKOL) transitions that sometimes confuse people. I love that there's so much teen angst I can practically taste the hormones in the room (< weird sentence but I'm casually not changing it).

I love the characters.

I love Char.

Charlotte is an angry, terrible, fierce girl, created to be like all the other stubborn female protagonists in the werewolf genre at the time (2013); because that's what I read, and that's what other people read.

I didn't mean to make her hated, and I didn't mean to make her the villain in her own love story, but- I did.

I love that even with readers' comments disliking her, I could smile, nod and agree with you guys, because yes, she is awful. Charlotte is a walking flaw of a person filled with pent up anger, hatred, and ignorance. Her flaws unfortunately outweigh her pros- her loyalty to her friends and family, and her loyalty to her beliefs (given, most of her beliefs were not very good at all).

Despite all this though, she is always going to be my terrible, loyal, human being in a prejudiced world.

I love Carson. I love how you guys love him. I love how reading back, he gives me butterflies. I love how he loves.

I love him, and how he makes me feel so extremely single.

I love Jay Parks, so freaking much. I'm not a person who really swears much (you can tell with all the awkward swearing at the start of the book haha), but I always kind of mentally referred to him as my best, favorite jackass. He's a jerk, with dark looks, and a tragic (tragically predictable), backstory. He's cold, and angry, and completely and utterly broken.

I love Bailey Tyler. Fact: She wasn't meant to be important to the story at all, in the first chapter she was just going to be another student in Charlotte's class; but then I didn't want Char to be a third wheel to Stacy and John at the lunch table, so boom, Bailey Tyler- the food-obsessed friend.

Then, I was like during chapter two or three, 'I need a subplot. Bailey and Jay? Eh, why not.'

Bailey's funny, and loyal, and quirky, and I adore her character. I really do.

I love Ben. I love how he's protective and so haunted by his past. I love Emily. I love how naive and lovesick she is. I love Zach. I love his humor. I especially love the way I missed him when I felt my handle on his character, slipping away.

I love all the minor characters and the not so minor characters. From Silvia the waitress, and John, Stacy, and Brianne, to Bethany, Gemma and the Beta turned evil from heartbreak.

But most of all this is what I love:

I love the hard work I put into It's That I Hate You Kind of Love. I love the hours I stayed up in the night, writing relentlessly until the sun came up and the birds began to chirp. I love the images created in my mind (like the scene with Carson and Char dancing) and how sometimes, sometimes they came out on paper just right. I love the songs blasting from my headphones that remind me of Carson and Charlotte, and the songs that remind me of Jay and Bailey.