Found by sin - Bokuaka

Chapter 20

The more Akaashi thought about it, the clearer it became. He had to get away from him. He had to let Bokuto live his life freely, without worrying about him showing up all of a sudden.

He had to say goodbye for good.

He came to the conclusion that the best would be telling him face to face, to get things cleared and end this. That way Bokuto would know he wouldn't have to worry about him anymore.

But the thought of saying goodbye forever broke Akaashi's heart.

He couldn't stop replaying their last kiss, and all of those things Bokuto told him.

Could that mean he still loved him? Because, maybe Bokuto just missed him in a physical way… But then that thought was discarded. It was just his insecurity talking.

With that kiss, Akaashi could feel Bokuto felt the same way as him.

God, how selfish could he be? Inevitably, he found himself thinking about telling him how he felt, and how overjoyed he'd be if he could spend the rest of his days with him.

And he despised himself for that.

All he ever did was nothing but shatter Bokuto's life, and now he wanted to be with him either way?

He had to stop this, for Bokuto's sake.

A few days after they last met, Akaashi finally gathered the courage he needed to tell Bokuto he was leaving for good. Well, maybe not all the courage he needed, but he couldn't imagine ever being ready for something that would absolutely destroy his heart. After all, he'd end up completely alone again, in that hell he was going through.

But he felt he owed him some certainty. To assure him he'd never have to worry about him again. And also, he genuinely wanted to thank him for everything he did.

Maybe Bokuto didn't realise, but he ended up saving him from all that crushing darkness he felt. And that meant everything to him.

That night, Akaashi found Bokuto reading on his couch. He looked at him for a while, doubting once again if this was the right thing to do.

He closed his eyes and braced himself to keep a stoic face, no matter what happened. He knocked on the door and materialized.

Bokuto looked up, greeting him with a warm yet melancholic smile that made Akaashi's chest compress.

The latter sat next to him, looking down for a while, trying to remember the speech he'd managed to prepare.

"Bokuto… I-".

"Akaashi, you don't have to say anything", Bokuto interrupted in an overwhelming serious and sad tone.

Akaashi looked up to him, surprised, as Bokuto continued.

"I've been thinking and… I realised you've been acting differently since I told you how I felt for you… And I'm sorry. I really didn't want to make you uncomfortable".

"No, please don't think that", Akaashi thought, almost losing his composure.

"But I want you to know that you don't owe me any explanation at all about your actions. And you don't have to say how you feel if you don't want to. If you want to leave, and never see each other again, that's ok, I understand. I just want you to be happy and at peace. So, if you feel you have to give me any explanation about it because it might hurt me… Please don't worry about that", said with a tender smile. "I really wish you the best, and I'm thankful to have known you. I really am. So don't feel bound to me at all. I know if the roles were reversed, you'd want the best for me too. So don't worry about me".