Six Letters, Two Words [NALU: FANFICTION]

CHAPTER #28

a/n: Please answer the question at the end of this chapter. Thank you! 

I DECIDED to stay in Erza's office. Archer just left and said he was going to go to work. Actually he wanted to stay but I told him that he needs to go to his work and I can handle myself. I also don't know why I pushed him to leave after he fed me and made me feel how to be free with my own thoughts. But to be honest, it's not what I really need now.

You know the feeling that you need something but you don't know what you really need.

Erza put tea on the center table. And then sat on the sofa next to me. I didn't speak and I just stared at the tea that she made for me. I felt her gently patting my back as if she was sympathizing with me.

I secretly smiled "Erza?" I didn't wait for her response "Is it hard to love me?"

She didn't answer right away but I felt her arms wrap around me. I leaned my head on her shoulder "You're not hard to love, Lucy," she whispered to me.

"But why... Why can't he love me?" my own voice broke after saying those words.

I've been hurting myself every time I ask myself that question. It was the same question that always gives my heart ache. It was the same question I've been asking for more than a decade – and until now... I still don't have the answer.

I love him so much that it hurts.

Sometimes I get so jealous of my friends because the person they love loves them. I feel like they are just having fun – and every day they spent with their partners was pure bliss. Yes, sometimes they argue but at the end of the day, they still love each other more than anything. And I want that kind of love.

I want to experience how to be loved by the person I love.

"Lucy, you know I can't answer your question," she said softly "you can't answer that question either"

"I want to know the answer," I say truthfully "You know what, I even came up with that stupid riddle just for him to know my feelings."

I suddenly thought of the conversation Natsu and I had before and how I told him the riddle. I still remember how frustrated he was while guessing the answer.

Yes, that time, his face looked so funny. But... what I realized that day was, he will never understand my feelings no matter what I do. And it pains my heart.

"Six letters, two words... it was a riddle that suddenly came up. And I really thought he can answer it but I was wrong," my tears break free from my eyes as it slowly cascade on my cheeks "I practically begging him to love me, Erza"

I couldn't stop the outpouring of my emotions. I couldn't understand myself - I knew I was okay. I know I'm used to this. But why does it feel like I wasn't?

I remember how Natsu is treating me now. I remember how he takes care of me especially when I was sick and when Robert came back. I smiled but I felt pain in my heart. Because honestly... all his actions put me into a great agony – I don't know how to interpret his actions.

Should I assume that he loves me? Or should I be scared because maybe this is his new way to put me in too much pain.

Erza let go of my embrace, then carefully wiped the tears from my cheeks. She smiled at me "Any man Lucy can love you"

I smiled bitterly, but why didn't he love me?

"Have you considered confessing your feelings, Lucy?" Erza asked me. My eyes wide open because of her question – she chuckle "You see... the only person who can answer all your question is him"

"I don't want him to reject me, Erza" I say truthfully as my eyes clouded with my own tears "If he rejects me – I don't know what I'll do to myself."

Erza's sigh "This is your problem, Lucy. You love too much. As in too much. You love him so much that you forget to love yourself. Yes, when you love you should give everything but you must learn to save something for yourself. Self – love is important too"

Self – love? How can I begin to love myself if I have already given all my love to him?

I STAYED at Erza's house on my entire day - off. Of course, I told Natsu where I was because I didn't want him to worry. At first he did not want to agree because he said my sister had personally asked him for my safety. I told him, I just want to be with my friend and my sister will understand. Eventually, he also agreed to what I wanted.

During those days, I didn't see his face. I started thinking about the conversation I had with Erza. About my confession and also about the self -love thingy.

And honestly speaking, I still don't know what to do.

"Have you decided?" Erza asked me as I carefully put my stocking.

I shook my head "If... if ever that he rejects me. I know he will reject me because loves Lisanna" I feel like something is stuck with my throat so I clear my throat "What should I do next, Erza?"

Erza sighs "If that happens. You should realize that you have done too much for him. That's the only next possible step to do is to stop. You said that 'Six Letters, Two Words' means 'Love me'. You are begging him to love you. Then why don't you revise the answer for that riddle?"

I frowned and gave her a confused look. She smiled at me "Six letters, two words can also mean 'move on'. You have to apply those words to yourself."

I opened my mouth to speak but I couldn't find my own words. I feel something piercing my heart leaving it bleeding. Can I really move on?

"I'm sure you don't know how to move on. After all, you've loved him for a decade" she said leaning on the couch "You should start on leaving him. Walk away. Start your life without him."

"It almost looks like I'm giving up" I mumble.

"It's not like you're giving up and it's not like you didn't try. It is just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. Ten years is enough, Lucy. What is truly yours will eventually be yours and what is not, no matter how hard you try, it will never be yours"

I feel suffocated.

That's how I felt until I got to the office. I even stopped walking to my office when I saw him standing - probably waiting for me.

He smiled at him and I tried to smile back. Natsu... ask me why I keep on loving you when it's clear that you don't feel the same way for me.

The problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you.

"Natsu... I have to tell you something."

I have to say it... in order for me to start my new life without him.

__________________________ End of Chapter #28

A/N: I really don't have any weird idea about Lucy X Archer. Well, I randomly ask that silly question because I have this feeling that you will not comment on that chapter.

What do you think will happen next? 

Khiegilsan 

P.S I think this chapter will reach until Chapter 35 but I'm still not sure.

Question: If you were given a chance, what will you ask to Natsu Dragneel on this story?