Bianca's new life

Preparing for the world (Thirty-one)

Bianca Pov

So I felt a bit better after that chat with Dad, (he just has a way with words and I'm very jealous of him for that Mate), though I guess that made sense as he hadn't been out of the young adult category for all that long, (being a very young Dad will do that for you though).

Wether or not I necessarily liked what everyone's advice was is a discussion that I was not really ready for then, (not that I ever mentioned as such even after the fact to anyone, like I really should have but I didn't), so I just didn't talk much about it unless I was asked, (as you'll see here with Papa), was that the healthiest option here?, no, it was not, but it was the choice 16 year old me made, I'm not here to tell you what's the healthiest choice, I'm here to tell you what choices that I made as an 16 year old, (and 16 year olds don't always make the best choices, as we're just kids figuring shit out here).

I then spent the morning drinking tea to try and at least clear my head a bit more and then failing to do so, (as I'm still a worrier at heart, so sue me), though I was less worried than I was, (like I have said, but it was a big deal as that didn't usually happen to me here), though I do not recommend drinking tea to clear your head at all, as that's not a healthy coping mechanism, ya know, (or maybe you don't, I'm assuming your knowledge background here), (plus I'm not one that can preach about healthy coping mechanisms here).

Anyway, I was overthinking on the couch with a cup of tea in my hand here, as you do, (I do know that I sound quite casual with my wording here, but I was still quite worried, I was just less worried than I was before), Dad was at work, (like one does here Mate), everyone else was either asleep or out apart from Papa and I, (which doesn't happen often, as Papa doesn't have insomnia nor a shit sleeping schedule).

So I sat in the quiet for a while, as I wasn't really in the mood for talking, (that could be because I'm not great at talking about my feelings, and I had just talked about my feelings like a couple hours previously so uh sue me), Papa seemed to know that something was up because I usually don't shut up, (like it's almost I have to talk, even I know that I don't have to fill the space with chatter), so he asked me, as it was obvious that something was up here,

"Hey Sweetheart, are you feeling okay?"
"I'm a bit worried about college and things but I am less worried than I was when Dad found me earlier this morning"
"Do you want to talk about it a bit more?"
"I don't know Papa, it just feels like it has come around really fast, even though I've known for ages"
"Yeah, unfortunately I can't even reassure you that time slows down, as it just speeds up"
"That doesn't sound like fun"
"It's not fun Sweetheart, the only thing you can really do here is keep looking forward"
"Thank you"
"You're welcome"

You would think that I started to worry more when I heard that time passing me will just get faster, (because with what has happened before, it would've made sense), but no, I was strangely fucking comforted by the notion, (I shouldn't have been comforted by it, but I was), as it wasn't something that I had failed to do in trying to slow down time, it was just a fact of life and that actually helped me, (I know it feels melodramatic here, but I'm just telling you the truth here).

I had another cup of tea, as I had nothing else to do, (that sounds bad I know Babes), not that it would help with my anxiety here at all, but it did make me feel better in the moment, (which was the priority here Babes), I also made Papa a cup of tea too, as I was making tea anyway, (also it just made sense to do it at the same time here Babes, ya know).

Everything was getting a lot to deal with, (well maybe it was past the point of 'getting' but my point stands here), but I wasn't sure what I could actually do to help myself other than the ways I had, (which wasn't the healthiest way to go about it), but it is what it is here Babes, (it's very casual I know, but I'm just telling you how it is for me).