Bianca's new life

A walk that you don't want to remember (Twenty-two)

Bianca Pov

So I was on a walk, as that helped me clear my head before doing my coursework, (don't ask me why that was as I don't know why it was the case here, I just know that there is a science behind this as Rowan told me that much), it helped so much that I made it a part of my routine here, (I don't usually like having that many routines here).

However, that day I was on edge, at first I didn't even know why I was on edge, but I couldn't shake off the feeling, that was until I saw my Mum, (well I'm not saying that feeling was shaken off when I saw her, but I am saying that it explained the feeling to me), the feeling then made itself known that it was actually my gut feeling and it wasn't going to be good time for anyone.

I didn't stay to find out if she saw me or not, (that and I didn't want to be in an argument with her while in public), as it felt like I couldn't breathe, so I ran home, (I know that running while I couldn't breathe wasn't a wise plan on my behalf, but I suddenly wanted to go home and it was a safe space).

I ran up the building stairs like I had never done before, (well if I'm being completely honest, I actually hated running anywhere, so this was really not something I'd normally do), the relief that I felt once I saw the familiar yellow front door was absolutely insane, (no, I don't know why it was yellow, just that Dad painted it when he and Ro moved in), I opened it so fast that I actually fell in the flat, (which I do not recommend to anyone Babes).

Papa was the only one home at the time, (Soph was at some teen parent thing, Rowan and Mikey were at the shop with Dad), as soon as I saw him, well I burst into tears, Papa must've thought that someone died or something, but no, I saw my mother and I couldn't even handle it, (emotions are fucking hard sometimes though).

"Bianca Sweetheart, what happened?"
"I, I, (cries), I saw her"

It was like Papa was a bloody mind reader, (even though we all know that he's not one), he brought me into a hug, which felt really warm and like I was protected from the world, (I know that it doesn't work like that, but it's what I felt at the time, ok, fucking sue me).

"Oh Sweetheart, I'm so sorry-"
"It's not your fault"
"(Kisses temple), do you want to talk about it when you're calmer?"
"No"
"That's ok Sweetheart"

So Papa just held me while I cried and cried and cried, as I really needed it and he knew that, I felt awful about that whole complex feelings shit that I had brought in with me, (not that I could've helped that outcome, but I felt bad about it), I stopped crying about 15 minutes after, (that sounds dramatic, but at the time it was not, ya know).

"'m sorry"
"Why are you sorry Sweetheart?"
"I feel bad about this"
"Don't be, family is complicated sometimes, and feelings towards family can be even more complicated, just ask your Dad about it, (kisses top of head), but don't feel bad about how you reacted, as there are way worse ways to deal with that"
"Like what?"
"Getting into a fist fight, I had to clean Dad up afterwards"
"That sounds painful"
"It was, but it wasn't through his own choice that it even happened, but that's a story for another time"

I know the full story on that, because of the whole 'Megan dated Rowan homophobic Grandad' thing that happened the beginning of the previous year, but I didn't know if I should have said anything about it as I didn't know if anyone knew that I knew other than Ro, (because she told me).

Still, I felt better after that good old cry session, (that may sound a bit weird to you but sue me), I can't even tell you why I felt better, but I did, though I was in no position to actually question it, so I didn't really question it, (and whether or not that's a good thing, it's up to you, you have deduction skills).

Though the whole studying thing was out the window because of my almost encounter with my mother here, I know I shouldn't of left it distracts me, but I was not in a good mood, (I mean understatement of the fucking century, am I right or am I right), so I just had a chill day, sue me, I needed it.