Remember me? || ✔️

Chapter: 11

He held my arms and took me upstairs and we went into my room.

He closed the door behind him and he pushed me to the bed. It was wrong but felt right in many different ways.

When I was on the bed he climbed on top of me and started to trail his kisses down my neck, which caused me to moan a little.

My breath was getting heavier and his breath too. When he kissed down my neck he made sure that his spit was on me.

It was gross but I liked it.

His hands were going up and down on my body and stopped at my neck because I was moving. His lips were on my collarbone and he sucked it, I moaned his name, which wasn't weird for me at all.

My hands where on his neck and my other hand was holding his arms, he has muscles and tattoos which makes his arms more sexy.

He came up again and brushed his lips on my lips and gave me a passionate kiss which I returned. His lips was the softest part of his face. His lips were perfect and when they touched my body or my lips, shiver went down my body. I didn't want him to stop this, I felt so comfortable and safe.

But he stopped and stood up. I was confused, but then he took my arms and locked me to the bed. "I can't do this, I'm supposed to hate you and kill you not make out with you." He said looking stressed.

"I thought you wanted your mind off Rose?" I said sitting up and rested my head on my knees. "I know, but I can't let you pleasure me, when it's your fault that my mom and girlfriend is gone, and I have to kill you. I can't lay with my moms criminal daughter. That's wrong."

Okay, I'm not gonna blame him. No one would ever lay with someone's daughter when their own father killed someone else's mother. I would never, so I get it. But it also hurts because no one would ever lay with me then, especially if they know what kind of person my father is.

I didn't do this so he could take off his mind, I did it so I also could take my mind of everything. From my dad, Maria, Rose I guess after thinking about her, mom.

Sometimes I wished I never was born if this was supposed to happen.

I wiped my tear away with my hands. "Yeah, I understand. I'm sorry for letting you do this." I turned my face around because everything was embarrassing, looking at him I felt embarrassed.

Looking at myself, I felt embarrassed.

I'm the one who keeps doing this, who keeps making stupid mistakes. Maybe, maybe everything is my fault.

Of course, I'm the one who keeps hurting myself, but I don't see it cuz I'm too blind.

The door closed and I bursted into tears. I felt so stupid and useless.

Now I want to be nothing, a nobody, so I feel less embarrassed and likable. Which I mean is better than this.

Right now he made me feel like worthless shit, it hurts even if I know what he means. I still have feelings after all, even if my dad ruined everything. My dad first hurt me, now him.

I get it, he's hurt but I didn't do anything and I get all the blames for something I didn't even do or knew about. Maybe I'm the miserable here.

Things seems to go bad and not great. What can I do for things to be better?

I try every day, but it does not work, I keep failing. I try to forget everything, failed. Try to make him feel better, failed.

Everything I do, I just fail. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Maybe, I have to sit here and shut up my whole life.