To Kill a Kyng

Tough Love

Day 45

My spirit is dying slowly. Fire's burning out. I feel weak, mentally, emotionally, physically. I haven't seen his face since the fight. I don't think I'd be able to handle it, I might throw up instantly. He's a shit of a person, and to think I ever attempted to give him the benefit of the doubt is astonishing. He's sick, I might be sicker. I need help. Serious help. I cant take any more of this.

Maybe I should have stayed home. Home? What is home? I've spent two decades of my life trying to prove myself to men. Terrible men, at that. I don't need them, I don't think. I'm not sure anymore. I'm in an undesirable situation, still relying on men. I could've died at the hands of one, yet here I am, still relying on two for emotional support. I won't stand for this.

I want him dead.

"Knock knock." Gino said as both him and Luca entered the room. I didn't say anything back. "You need to let some air in here, I feel like I'm suffocating." He opened the curtains and the window, causing me to shield my face from the bright light I hadn't seen in a while.

"Kai, you can't keep living like this. You're eating yourself alive."

"I'm fine. Please leave me alone." I mumbled, burying my face deeper into the pillows that had been swallowing me whole for an entire week. Week? Two weeks? 3 months? When was the last time I even cared to check the time? The date? How many Love & Hip Hop episodes have I missed?

Nonsense.

As I felt my thoughts fading and my conscience slowly slipping away from me back into the deep pits of sorrow they had been residing in all this time, I felt the covers being abruptly snatched off of my body. I lied still, not even having the energy to react the way I should. "You're not staying in this room any longer." Gino said as he tapped my leg to urge me to sit up.

I slowly pushed up on my elbows, giving myself enough support to sit up completely. Every bone and joint that I hadn't moved cracked and popped with every little move I made. I felt tight, like if I moved too quickly, everything would break. I scanned the room with weary eyes. You could see the dust particles floating around in the air as the sunlight exposed them. I hadn't even let Maria in to clean the room. I don't even think she likes me anymore. Does anybody, really?

"Atta, girl. You see how easy that was? Now let's get you downstairs and—"

"No. I won't. I know he's down there, and you're trying to trick me, and I won't go. I don't wanna see his face, you know this—"

"Kai. He left on a business trip a week ago. He's currently halfway across the world. He can't and won't hurt you. Now come on." Luca held his hand out for me to take. I didn't let out a sigh of relief, but my breath became unhitched. I took his hand and stood up slowly, my knees slightly wobbly. It's not like I hadn't moved at all throughout the past however long it's been, but I only left to pee and shower.

I warily made my way down the stairs with them, paying close attention to the corners just to make sure I didn't see a tatted arm or smell the pungent fumes of a burning cigarette. I didn't trust him, so now I don't trust them. Guilty by association, although Luca was designated to be on my side. Funny how life works.

"Maria has been making breakfast for two every single morning. He sat alone at the table and ate his with his head down, while your plate sat on the far end, getting cold. Eventually she'd realize you weren't leaving that room and Gino came and ate it."

"I did not!" Gino said as he pushed Luca to the side. I let out a slight chuckle and shook my head, taking a seat at the glass table where a plate of chicken breast, fettuccini, and a garden salad. Someway, somehow my health still mattered in a mafia man's home, if he even could call it that.