Always You || Patrick Cripps

49.

"I can't do this right now" I spoke harshly, scanning both his eyes directly. I judged for any signs of disappointment at my reaction. I think he expected it.

As hard as it was to see him in sorrow, I constantly had to remind myself to act composed.

I still stood in the doorway, but quickly pushed past him when no words exited his mouth. As if he hadn't prepared for my initial reaction to his presence. Maybe he just assumed I would sit down and hear him out. His next move was now unclear.

"Georgia please. I really need to talk to you" He argued with compelling facial expressions as he followed me down the stairs.

"Now you want to talk to me? How about when I called you 50 times trying to talk about what happened?" I vocalised my hatred toward that night and the day that followed. I shut him down once more, hoping he would realise how bad it was hurting me to have to talk to him.

"I'm really sorry George. I never meant for it to go as far as it has. I-I was...I was just confused" He uttered, knowing my reaction wouldn't be pleasant.

"And I wasn't. You left me without saying a word. You're the one that kissed me! Not the other way around" I declared, making my frustrations clear with the apprehensive tone of my voice.

I was already feeling my walls going back up. The exact reason why I didn't want to have this conversation. I was fragile still and not enthused about reliving that night.

Pat still managed to maintain his glance toward me even as I fired my words at him.

Our eyes locked together until the next things to come out of his mouth. I could tell he was holding back.

In his head, thinking if it was the right thing to say. All he wanted to do was say something and make it better, but it didn't work that way.

By doing so, I think he only made it worse.

"It was a mistake! I shouldn't have kissed you Georgia" He affirmed.

Well that hurt.

I surveyed the look upon his face following what he said.  His confident body language shrunk to a new level of low. His eyes still drawing on the eye contact but delivered a different message.

"Yeah....a mistake" I nodded almost trying to wrap my own head around what he had just said. Knowing deep down it was crushing me inside.

I knew he deliberated whether that was the right choice of words. But that's the thing Pat, he just doesn't realise how that could hurt me.

Probably because he had no idea how I felt about him, but I still thought some kind of respect could have been an option.

With those words he made me feel small and unworthy of his love, or anyones love for that matter.

It was a mistake in his eyes. Kissing me was all a mistake, a regret that he now carried around with him.

"If I had known we would end up like this, I never would have done it" He added. Confirming what he said, he 100% meant.

"I get it Pat, it's fine. You don't have to explain yourself, you um...made a mistake" I nodded once more, trying to justify my new found feelings about what he had said.

I tried to hold back the seething torrent of tears that had been building up since that moment. I held them in well as only my eyes became blurry and lower lash line flooded. Only one or two tears fell, but I managed to wipe them away quickly.

"Georgia" Pat spoke, stepping forward to show his remorse.

"I think you should go" I stepped back, knowing damn well it wasn't a good idea to keep myself in the situation any longer.