You Only Want Me When I'm Taken

Chapter 53

‘Honey, I’m on fire, I feel it everywhere, nothing scares me anymore’ Lana Del Rey sang from my stereo as I rummaged through my old paintings ‘Kiss me hard before you go, summertime sadness, I just wanted you to know that baby you’re the best’ I sang along to myself with her. I held out an old painting I’d drawn a couple of years ago deciding it can be sold one way or another for a cheap price. The man living on the floor below mine had sold his tiny apartment to me for a special and low price so I could use it as a studio and as a place to sell my paintings and sculptures as a side job. The apartment was perfect; it wasn’t too big or too small and there were large windows everywhere, which was something I’d always wanted. Plus Jasmine, who was now my roommate, is always complaining about my art supplies lying everywhere so it suited both of us.

  So much has changed in my life in the past 2 years it scared me. My appearance had changed massively, considering the fact that my hair was now blonde and falls just below my ears and all I wore now was combat boots, shorts, and a baggy t-shirt. And ever since I’d seen Harry for the last time two years ago, I threw myself in my art and school work. The six months after I’d last seen him were pure and utter torture. I guess I was waiting; waiting for him to tell me that I was wrong, waiting for him to try at least, waiting for something, anything to happen, but to my disappointment; nothing. Not even a call or a text. Jasmine and Niall also broke up a couple of months after Harry and me. I guess neither one of our relationships was meant to last.

  I used to get a text or a call from the other boys every now and then, but I slowly lost touch with all of them, what with their constantly changing phone numbers and busy schedules and my part-time job and college. I’d always wonder how they were doing; if they were happy, if they’re stressed, if they’re okay, how their girlfriends are, but then my mind would start thinking about Harry again so I’d block the idea out of my head quickly.

  As for the “infinity” (ha-ha) tattoo I had on my wrist, I always covered it up with a huge leather bracelet I never took off. I always thought of getting it removed, but I couldn’t really muster up the heart to do it.

  I carried the 5 portraits along with some brushes and paint bottles moving them downstairs. I made my way down the stairs slowly and carefully, praying I wouldn’t drop anything on the way.

  “Hey, babe” I heard Caleb’s voice say as he took the supplies and portraits from my hands “Let me get those for you” he said kissing my cheek tenderly. I’d also gotten a new boyfriend; Caleb, who was nothing like Harry. I’d met Caleb at college about a year ago before he’d graduated. I like to think that Caleb and I found each other at a convenient time. Like me, Caleb had recently come out of a bad relationship with a nasty break up. We spent the first three weeks together just painting together, listening to music, and just having the best time we’d had in about a year. It was almost as if the universe threw us together.

  Did I love him as much as I loved Harry? Of course not, but I liked to convince myself that I did. It was like Harry took a huge chunk out of me and took it with him when he left. After a while, I just grew numb, like I got used to pain and adapted to living with it. I just pushed it down under where it can’t get the best of me anymore. There were however the few times I’d listened to a depressing song late at night all by myself and I’d broken down crying. It was pathetic, I know, but it stopped long ago. And it wasn’t like Caleb was different. He didn’t believe in marriage and wasn’t really the type of guy to commit to a relationship, so when he proposed we’d make our relationship official as boyfriend/girlfriend instead of sleeping around with each other, I was beyond surprised.

  I also stopped reading anything that ever had to do with One Direction, Jasmine and I both did. It was just easier that way. There were the occasional times we’d see pictures of them out with some random girls on the front page of the newspaper. We’d go quiet for a minute or two before making snappy comments towards the girl and snicker even though we both knew it was eating us alive deep down.