James and the Funny Word

Chapter 3 - The Third Clue

After two and half hours of brainstorming what this stupid sentence Henry wrote could have possibly meant, James had an epiphany! 

"Wait a second, I'll leave you to that. Maybe he means leave as in leaves on a tree. Oh, but there are millions of leaves in this forest! How am I supposed to know which one has the clue. Maybe there is another clue but I have read this so many times that... wait. Read, RED! RED THE COLOUR! THAT'S IT!"

James knew EXACTLY where to go.

For some odd reason, one of the trees in Henry's Forest still has leaves that are red from last Fall, and sure enough, one of the leaves had the next clue attached to it.

James tried to grab the leaf with his buffer, but it wouldn't come off the tree. He then noticed that Henry cleverly hot-glued the leaf to the tree, making it so that James had to sit in uncomfortable position just to read it. Soon afterwards, he realized that he is a train...

...engine... ah who cares!

It wasn't even possible at all to begin with. So as a substitute, his driver pulled out a Beretta M9 and shot the leaf from in between its stem and the branch holding it. It then slowly drifted down directly onto James' left buffer, allowing him to finally read it without having to detach his smokebox.

Now I know what I just said is probably hard to believe, but it turns out James' driver is actually a professional gun man as a side hobby. 

Anyways, here is what the clue said.

Hello once again James, you have found the third clue. Man, writing these clues make me thirsty. Anyways, the next clue is not far from your current location, so search away!

"Hmm... I wonder what this clue could mean." said James in the most monotone voice possible, as this clue was the single most obvious one Henry had ever written so far. That is at least what he thought. James went over to the water tower, thinking that Henry was alluding to something with his comment about being thirsty, but all he found was an empty plastic water bottle.

"Hmm... I guess Henry stole Gordon's water bottle to fill it up, but there isn't anything else here, so I guess this is a RED herring,"

GET IT!

RED!

HA!

sorry...

 He had to think more out of the box. Speaking of boxes, AREN'T THEY COOL, THEY CAN HOLD STUFF! LIKE BABY SHOES THAT WERE NEVER WORN, AND YOUTUBER MERCH, AND INCOMPLETE HOMEWORK!

Sorry, I got a little carried away there, moving on.

"If I were Henry, and I was thirsty, where else would I go, besides the water tower?" James pondered. 

James thought and thought, and soon he came up with a few possible answers.

James went to many places across Sodor. He went to the beach beach...

...

Ninki Minjanj.

He went to the aquarium, the docks, and many other places but he couldn't find it. 

"GOD DAMN IT!" yelled James in a yelling voice. "WHERE THE FRICK IS THE FOURTH CLUE!!!! I'VE LOOKED EVERYWHERE!" 

Suddenly, Donald the SCOTTASH twin strolled on over, and saw James raging like a Karen with an expired Kohl's coupon. "WAT U DOIN JAMZ????" Donald asked.

"I'M ANGRY AS FRICK!"

"k,"

...

"Anywees I am goin to Dilly's dook pund," James stopped "Dilly's duck pond... I should look there," Donald smiled "Ach ai, I'll shoow u de wai," 

James and Donald arrived and James quickly jumped in Dilly's pond. If Dilly was in there, she would have died from James' weight. Fortunately, Dilly was on vacation in Liberia.

Yes, a duck on a vacation in Liberia, don't question it, it makes it less FUNNY.

James grabbed the clue and yeeted himself toward the left hemisphere. Donald sat there, confused out of his mind, and rolled his eyes.

"Wi es James soh freeckin insayneh?" he thought to himself. "Eh, wotevah, ima gets sum boos. Yeh wan sum Dougee?" he called to his twin, who was a great distance away but could still hear him because of twin powers... I guess.

"HELL YEH!" Douglas called back excitedly. "Pog!" replied Donald, and went to go get the boos, but as he was passing Dilly's Duck Pond, he saw something in it.

"Ey wayda minit, iz thada..." but I can't tell you the rest of what he said, because it would spoil what is coming up.