Nyctophilia

34

Nyctophilia's pov

"So tell me, Nyctophilia, how have you been going recently?" My therapist asks.

It's been exactly three weeks since I woke up from my attempt, five since I actually tried to kill myself. I've been out of the hospital for one week. I was supposed to leave two weeks ago, but after that first meeting with my therapist when I told her everything that happened and how I was feeling, they decided to keep me at the hospital for two weeks.

I have appointments every Monday and Friday with Emma (my therapist) and she actually helps me a lot. We've talked about the rape, the suicide attempt, the whole selective mute thing and my emotions through all of that. She's been really understanding and never would I have thought a therapist can help that much. I thought she wouldn't understand and just tell me to be happy, but she's been giving me advice on how to properly sleep without having nightmares, how to trust people and not always be scared of them. Little things like that. I've been doing better, yes. I'm still recovering from the whole thing and sometimes I have ups and downs, but I'm surely getting there.

The doctors also put me on medications when Emma suggested it. She officially diagnosed me with severe depression and anxiety, which is no surprise. Since then, I've been taking antidepressant on a daily basis to help me recover and get better. At the beginning I refused to take them, nonetheless I ended up taking the pills.

The whole crew has been really supporting. They visit me as much as possible and give me my space when I need it. Well, except for Aaron. He just comes by whenever he feels like it, which is almost every day. I don't mind, though. He's the only person I'll never get tired of seeing. When he doesn't fight on a weekday, he comes to visit me after school as I'm still not back yet. He also sleeps at home when his dad doesn't work late night shifts on the weekend. Sometimes he brings Quinn, but it's rare because he mostly just wants to spend time with me alone.

Anyway, today is Sunday and I have an unexpected appointment with Emma as tomorrow I'm going back to school for the first time in five weeks and she wants to make sure I'm ready.

"I'm doing fine. I don't think anything has changed since we saw each other Friday. Sure I'm a little bit nervous for tomorrow, but nothing worth worrying about." I answered her question.

She writes down on her little pad which makes me sigh. She knows I hate when she writes information about me in my face. "I know, I know. I'm sorry, but this kind of information is the one I can't forget." She explains once she looks up to meet my gaze.

I nod, understanding her actions. "It's okay. Just don't do it again. It makes me feel like an experiment or something." I mumble.

She chuckles while shaking her head. "So, how's the boyfriend doing? You guys seem pretty serious."

I roll my eyes at the smirk plastered on her face while I can barely hide my smile. "He's fine. Still comes to my house almost every day to take care of me like the gentleman he is."

Emma suddenly puts on a serious face while her eyes switch to mine. "You know Nyctophilia, love isn't always sunshine and unicorn-"

"Yeah I know, Emma. You've told me many times. He could hurt me easily. He could shatter me any moment. Love isn't stable and it'll never be perfect, but I can't relapse if I get hurt. It's not because a man decides that he doesn't love me enough or at all that nobody will ever love me or care for me. He could be the one like he could be one in many, but I can't blame myself if he isn't staying with me forever." I repeat the wise words she told me in the past. "You know, I really don't want to relapse again either. I hate the place I was at five weeks ago. As much as it sounded like I didn't want to get better, I hated how I felt every second of every day. Now I'm better. I have friends, a boyfriend, my family and my amazing therapist. Even if I have to take pills to be legitimately fine, I like feeling that way more than how I felt before my attempt."