Sleeping with the Assistant

Chapter Twenty One: Hallucinations

   I take a step out of the car, a wave of nostalgia comes crashing onto me. The aroma of pine and burning wood fill my lungs as well, and I feel all my stress melt away. The family cabin is hidden deep in the woods along a path anyone can miss. My grandfather would bring me and my brother here every summer just to get away from the city. Then he passed it onto me once he got too old. I'd sometimes bring Julia here as a little getaway destination. I unlock the door while Jasmine loads the kids out of the car. As I open the door I see a figure standing on the balcony. She had long brown straight hair and was wearing a flowy white dress. She turned around halfway and smiled gently at me. Not knowing what to do, I slam the door shut.
"Uh, what's going on?" Jasmine asks while holding Cherish.
"I-I saw her inside," I stammer.
"Joseph," she sighs. "You didn't see anyone, the door was locked."
"But—"
"You promised me," Jas says. "Don't go back on your promise."
"You're right, you're right. Let me grab the bags then show you around," I exhale. Jas opens the door and I look back subtly to see if that figure was still there and surprise surprise it wasn't. I really need to pull it together.
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Once we're all unpacked, Jasmine hops in the shower while the kids take their nap, and I hang around the lake to think. Me and John swam every day in this lake. This is where I had my first date with some girl who was at summer camp. She would sneak here at night to see me, and I inevitably had sex for the first time with her at age seventeen. Come to find out it was Julia, who just transferred to my high school. Those were great times. Great memories. I find myself missing her more and more with each passing day. I regret hurting her so badly. There could've been a better way to break it off with her, right?
"I did all I could," I say aloud.
"No you didn't," a familiar voice whispered. I felt a cold hand touch mine, and I instantly froze in place.
"You're not real," I shudder.
"I'm very much real Joseph. You can't deny my existence," Julia says. "I'm only doing this because I love you."
"Go away," I mumble.
"Why did you break my heart?" she asks.   "Was I not good enough for you?"
"Please leave me alone," I whimper.
"I can't leave you alone baby. I miss you too much," she grins. I shut my eyes and sit on the pier, covering my ears thinking that will make her disappear.

   "You're not real, you're not real, you're not real," I repeat. I don't know how long I sat out there with my eyes closed but I was too afraid to open them, fearing that Julia would still be standing there, patronizing me.
  "Joseph, what are you doing out here?" I hear Jasmine ask. I look up at her through glossy eyes and hug her legs.
  "She w-was here. Julia was here I saw her with my own eyes," I sob. "You have to believe me, Jasmine."
  "Oh, Joseph." She kneels down beside me, holding me in her arms.
  "I won't leave you alone okay?"
  "Thank you."
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   For the past few days, I haven't seen her at all. Jasmine never left my side and I feel my life started to come together again. My sweet Cherish is trying to walk now. She can stand fine, but walking gets her really frustrated so I help her out.
  "You'll get it soon mama," I tell her while holding her tiny hands.
  "I help," JJ says. He takes one of her hands and guides her around the living room at a slow pace. He's the best big brother in the whole world. He really loves Cherish with all his heart.
  "I'm glad they get along," Jasmine smiles. "I wish I had siblings I was close with."
  "You have siblings?" I ask.
  "Yeah from my dad's side. Three brothers and two sisters. I visit them sometimes, but it's not the same as growing up with them " she explains.
  "Do you want them at our possible wedding?"
  "Yeah, I think so. Do you want more kids?"
  "When these two are older definitely. Like preschool," I say. "Thank you for calming me down the other day. I don't know what's going on in my head."
  "You're still grieving and that's fine, but maybe you should see a therapist," Jasmine suggests. "So you can talk about all those pent up emotions."
  "I think I will when we get back home," I tell her. "I'll be back I need to use the bathroom."
  "Do you want me nearby?"
  "I think I'm good." I walk to my closest bathroom and shut the door, making sure to lock it. I put the toilet seat down and sit on it, burying my face in my hands.
  "I've officially lost my mind," I mutter.
  "I can help you find it, babe," Julia says while rubbing my shoulders.