Torn [SHAWN MENDES]

~51~

"I'm going to let you two have some privacy," Karen said gravely as she stood up. "Piper and will go down to the basement to read some books."

Shawn approached them. "Can I just hold her a second?" He took his daughter in his arms and snuggled her, breathing in her sweet baby smell. "I've missed you so much, princess."

"Da!" she said brightly as she touched his cheek.

"Your da loves you," he whispered before handing her back to his mum. Once Karen was gone, he sat down next to Yasmin. "You came back?"

"I never left, actually," she sniffled. "After you dropped us off, I started to feel terrible, so I hailed a cab at the airport and we went to a hotel downtown. I was waiting for you to contact me so we could try to work things out, but it's pretty clear why that didn't happen."

"You told me you wanted a divorce, Yaz. I had no idea that you were open to talking. And I did text you, but you only sent a picture of Piper."

"You never said you wanted me back or that you didn't want a divorce." She reached for a tissue and dabbed at her eyes.

His heart was pounding in his chest as he took in what she was saying. She wanted to save their marriage? "I'm sorry, but I'm really confused by all this."

"I can tell. I knew there was a chance that you'd reconcile with Taryn if we divorced, but did you really run to her arms the second I left?"

She didn't sound angry, just sad, which was almost worse for him. All the guilt he'd been suppressing was surfacing painfully, and he knew that this time he had to be honest. "I-I did."

She choked back sobs. "So you were with her last night and not with your friends."

He nodded.

"I wish you could love me like you love her. I love you so much, and I feel like we've been living a lie from the start."

"Yasmin, I'm so sorry. It's not like I would have gone to her if I thought there was a chance for us!"

She blew her nose. "Do you mean that?"

His hands started to shake with anxiety as he pondered this question. He definitely meant it when he'd begged her to give him a chance on Christmas Eve, but now that he was with Taryn, did he still mean it? It felt like he was betraying his true love to admit that he did.

"You don't have to answer that right now," she said sadly. "Or ever, if you're going to be with her. I can tell that seeing me this morning has thrown you for a loop."

"That's an understatement."

"Could you do me a favor?" Yasmin asked.

"What?"

"Can you go take a shower and put on clean clothes? I can smell her on you and it's making this harder. We still have a lot to talk about."

He wasn't sure if she meant Taryn's perfume or something else, but he understood completely why either would be upsetting to his wife. It was a reminder that he'd spent the last several days cheating on her, and he also felt the need to wash that away. "Yeah, of course. I'll be back down in ten minutes," he said as he got up.

He went upstairs and stripped off his clothes, throwing them in the laundry basket. Then he went to the bathroom and turned the water on to an almost scalding temperature. As he showered, he tried to wrap his head around what was going on. Yasmin was back because she wanted to work things out, and it seemed like the fact that he'd been with Taryn didn't change that. Did she want to fight for their marriage? Did he want to? That was the bigger question. His mind raced as he considered all the factors, eventually landing on one in particular.

Piper. She was what mattered most. Staying with Yasmin meant he'd see her every single day and not half the time, if he was even able to get joint custody. Given his infidelity, Yaz could be granted primary custody and he'd get a weekend a few times a month. That would kill him.

But then there was Taryn, the woman he loved. Staying with Yasmin meant giving her up completely. The last several days had been incredible because he had her back, so the thought of losing her all over again was overwhelming. He needed to talk to her, but he wasn't sure if Yaz would allow that.

After brushing his teeth and getting dressed, he went back down to the kitchen where he found his wife in the same spot. "Want to move to the living room where we can sit comfortably?"

She didn't respond but got up and followed him. He was surprised when she sat next to him on the couch.

"Can you tell me right now if you're staying with Taryn?" she asked. "There's not much point to continuing this discussion if that's your plan."

He needed to be truthful. "I don't know. I need to talk to you about our options, and then I'd like to talk to her. I know that's asking a lot, but I can't make a decision without her input."

Yasmin looked down at her hands. "I understand. I hate it, but I get it."

"You still want us to work things out?" he asked. "Even after I..."

"After you cheated on me?"

The lump in his throat made it hard to speak. "Yes."

She took a deep breath and focused on what she'd carefully rehearsed to say to him. "I love you and I do believe you love me, too. I know you love Taryn, but until recently, when you saw her again, it wasn't hurting our marriage."

She was right that his interactions with his ex-wife had altered his marriage, but there had been some underlying issues for years. "I don't think I was ever the best husband because of my feelings for her, and I hate that."

"You seemed pretty great to me," she said as she wiped away fresh tears. "I thought we were happy."

"We were. You made me happy, honey!"

She gave him a weak smile. "If that's true, then maybe we can be happy again. I'm willing to see a counselor together. More than that, I'll work to forgive what you've done, meaning the kiss and whatever happened since Christmas, if you show me you're truly remorseful."

He started to cry. "I am very remorseful, and I know being with Taryn was cheating. At the same time, I can't lie to you and say it didn't mean something."

"I know. You love her, so that makes sense." She gulped back more tears. "I guess it comes down to whether your love for her outweighs our marriage and family. I don't like forcing you to choose, but you're going to have to. If you choose us, then we're going to work to get back what we had. You have to commit to me completely and if you cheat again, it's over."

"That's fair."

"I'm trying really hard, Shawn. When I was struck by the thought of losing you and destroying our family, I made up my mind to put myself in your place and try to let go of the pain and jealousy. It still hurts so much that you love her and that you...you were with her. I can take the pain if there's a possibility you can love me and be happy with me."

He took her hands in hers. "I never wanted to hurt you."

"I know."

"And I appreciate how you're being right now so much. You're an amazing woman."

She bit her tongue, because what she wanted to say was that she obviously wasn't as amazing as her. Instead she gave his hands a squeeze. "Go talk to Taryn; the sooner the better."

He stood up. "She's home. I'll go there now."