Torn [SHAWN MENDES]

~15~

"How's Tricia?" Mariah asked when Taryn joined her in the living room of the suite they were staying in.

"She just fell asleep, which is a relief. I think she's been awake for almost forty-eight hours. How are you doing?"

"I think I'm still in shock. None of this feels real. I just called Debbie to see how Gregor is and to tell her all the plans. I felt like a robot who gives information with zero emotion."

Taryn sat down on the couch next to her step-sister and took hold of her hand. "Everyone handles grief differently."

She was alternating between intense sadness where she couldn't stop crying and staying strong for her mom. All of the arrangements had been made over the last few days, so now they just had to get back to Toronto and have the service.

Earl was being cremated later that day because transporting ashes was much easier than a body, and Tricia knew he wouldn't have had an objection to it. They were all flying to Canada together, and Mariah's wife and baby would meet them there along with the rest of Earl's family. The service was being held at a non-denominational church, since he'd been raised Christian and his children felt it was fitting. Mariah would be presiding since she was an ordained minister, and each child was going to speak along with several other close friends and family members. After the service, everyone would be invited to The Good Luck Lounge to celebrate Earl's life while having food and drinks.

Mariah's phone started vibrating on the coffee table. "That's EJ. He wants to talk about the music for the service." She answered the call and put it on speaker. "Taryn is here, too."

EJ was Earl Junior, the oldest of the three siblings. He lived in Barrie with his wife and toddler but was currently staying at his dad and stepmom's house while making arrangements. Taryn had put him in touch with Mina who was helping Zack plan the food for the wake.

"Hey ladies. Is Patricia with you?" EJ asked.

"She's asleep," Taryn answered.

"I'm glad she's resting. She looked ready to collapse when we FaceTimed this morning."

"How's the planning going on your end?" Mariah asked.

"Pretty good. I've been trying to figure out the music for the service, and I was thinking we could hire a guitarist to play instrumental versions of dad's favorite songs. It feels more fitting than an organist or church choir, you know?"

"That sounds perfect," Mariah said. "Do you have anyone in mind?"

"No...not really."

Taryn pulled out her phone. "I have the names and numbers of several talented musicians who have played at Ford's over the years. I'll send them to you right now."

"Forgive me if this is weird to bring up, but is Shawn coming? Dad loved hearing him play live, so it might be a nice tribute if he performed at the service," EJ suggested.

"I doubt he's coming, and even if he was, I'm not asking him to do that," Taryn said.

Mariah smiled at her sympathetically. "The last thing we need is for there to be any discomfort. We're all going to be sad and emotions will already be running high."

EJ sighed. "Sorry. I didn't really think about all that. Has anyone told Shawn about dad?"

"I asked his sister to tell him, so he knows by now."

They talked a while longer about other aspects of the service before saying goodbye.

"If Shawn does come, will you be okay? If it's going to upset you, Aaliyah can politely tell him to stay away. He can pay his respects some other way," Mariah told Taryn.

"He won't come. I'm going to take a walk to clear my head. Can you text me if my mom wakes up?"

"Will do."

Taryn grabbed one of the hotel keycards and took the elevator down to the lobby. She helped herself to a complimentary coffee from the station near the lounge and set off for Buttress Park which was adjacent to the Grand Hotel. It was chilly, so she pulled her sweater tightly around her body before sitting down on a bench. The park was rather plain, but there were quite a few people out playing with their dogs. As she sipped from the paper cup, she thought of Jules and Hendrix and how much she missed them. It was around dinner time in Toronto and she could picture her dog laying next to her fiancé's chair, hoping that a piece of food would drop on the floor. She took out her phone and sent a text.

Thinking of you.

Jules responded back right away.

Same

I love you ❤️

Tears welled up in her eyes. Julian was so wonderful, and she knew he'd give her all the support she'd need during Earl's service. So what if Shawn showed up? It was selfish to tell him that he couldn't come, especially when she knew he loved Earl. He was busy with his career and family, so the odds were he'd just send an extravagant floral arrangement or make a donation to a charity in Earl's memory. If he was there, she could be mature and polite, even if his wife was with him. They'd both found new loves so there was no reason for things to be weird.

She texted Aaliyah and Karen a link to the website they'd created with all the information about the service and gathering. Then she added a message.

Please share this with Shawn.

Taryn took another long drink of coffee and continued to watch the people in the park. Jules called and they spoke for almost half an hour. He told her all about the fun trip he and Hendrix took to the beach, which made her smile. There hadn't been many smiles since Earl died, so it felt good to feel light, even if just for a moment.

"I've got both guest rooms made up for anyone who might need to stay with us," Julian said. "I was able to get the day before the service off, as well as the day of, but I'm working a long shift the following day. Is that okay or do you want me to see if someone will trade with me?"

"That's fine. I'll probably crash that entire day since I haven't been able to sleep for more than an hour or two at a time since I got here. I don't think anyone will stay with us since EJ booked a bunch of rooms at the Westin, but it's good you got the beds made up just in case."

"What else can I do? I'm here and you all are so far away. If there are any arrangements left to be made, assign them to me."

"EJ got there yesterday and he's on top of things. You're still able to meet us at the airport, right?"

"Mais oui!"

They chatted a few more minutes, and as they disconnected, a series of texts came in from Aaliyah.

Just heard from Shawn

He wishes he could come but Yasmin is out of town

He said to tell you he's so sorry and that you and Tricia and Earl's family are in his thoughts

Taryn felt relief at this news; she also felt a flicker of disappointment, which she immediately pushed away.

She walked around the park for half an hour before returning to the suite. Mariah was sound asleep on the couch, so she went into the bedroom where she found her mom sitting up in bed looking at her phone. "How'd you sleep?"

"Pretty well, actually. I had a dream that Earl came to me to tell me that everything would be okay. He gave me a long hug."

Taryn sat down next to her mother. "That's exactly what he'd do if he was here."

"Mmhm. That's what I thought, too. It was nice to have a few moments with him, even if it wasn't real."

Wiping some tears off her cheek, Taryn said, "It's so unfair that he's gone. Why can't good things last forever?"

"Ten years isn't enough time together, but I'm lucky I had his love at all. For the rest of my life I'll be grateful for the happiness he gave me."

Her mother's positive philosophical outlook was admirable, and Taryn wished she could borrow some of it.