Torn [SHAWN MENDES]

~27~

"Did you text Jules?"

"Shit!" Taryn said as she got up to get her phone. "Thanks for reminding me."

Made it!

This place is amazing.

Maybe we could come here next month.

She expected a quick reply since he wasn't at work, but it didn't come.

"What's the frown for?" Tricia asked.

"Usually Julian texts back right away, but he might be out to eat with his friends." She set her phone down. "I'm here if you want to talk about Earl, but if you'd rather we don't, that's fine, too. We could play cards or watch a movie. I am open to anything."

"I'd love to just chat with you. How have you been feeling lately."

Taryn helped herself to a cracker. "Okay."

This elicited an eye roll. "Let's try to be honest with each other. I'll go first. Every morning I wake up and remember that my husband is dead and I'm paralyzed with grief for at least five minutes. Then I get out of bed, make some coffee, and try to adjust to being alone again."

"Oh, Mama...I'm so sorry!" Taryn's eyes flooded with tears. "I hate that you're hurting so much."

"It stinks. I never imagined I'd be widowed at this stage in my life. Sometimes I'm so mad at the universe for doing this that I just want to scream!"

"Then do it."

"Do what?"

"Scream!" Taryn encouraged her.

Tricia's eyes opened wide. "Now?"

"Yes! We're far from any other cabin, so just let out a loud primal scream at the universe!"

"I can't-"

"Do it, Mama!"

Patricia stood up, held her arms out, and screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Did that help?" Taryn asked after removing her fingers from her ears.

"It did! Now it's your turn. Surely there's something in your life that you want to scream about."

There were plenty of things. First and foremost was the fact that Shawn kept invading her brain both day and night. Taryn hopped up onto the coffee table and held her hands to her mouth like a megaphone before bellowing as loudly as she could. When she was done, she was shaking, but strangely enough, she felt better. Sitting back down, she finished her glass of wine and poured another.

Two and a half bottles later, the two McAllister women were pretty tipsy.

"I can't believe you only wear thongs!" Taryn cackled before rolling sideways on the couch.

"And you wear granny panties! How are you my daughter?"

"Julian lovvvvvves them."

"He does not!" Tricia insisted.

Taryn took a Godiva chocolate from the box they'd found in the cupboard and ate it. "He thinks they are sexy in an old fashioned way."

"Do you own anything else?"

"I have a whole drawer full of cute stuff, but I never wear them anymore."

"Maybe I'm prying, but I've got to know...did you wear them and he was into them, or did he tell you he liked them so you got some?" Patricia asked.

"The second one. It's such a harmless kink that I went with it. It's just so different from what I was used to."

"Ohhhhh. Was Shawn into sexy panties?"

Taryn giggled. "Not more than any other guy, but I used to buy stuff and surprise him." Her happy demeanor disappeared in a flash. "Now he's got a young model for a wife, who probably walks around wearing a next to nothing while he drools on the floor like Hendrix."

"Don't go there. You'll make yourself crazy."

"I already am! Why the fuck did he have to come back to Toronto? I was doing so much better. Now I can't stop thinking about what he said, and I'm having dreams about him!"

"Good dreams or nightmares?"

"Good...if you know what I mean."

"I've had those dreams about Earl. It's nice," Tricia said wistfully.

"Not for me. I want him out of my head!" It was better to dream about making love to her ex-husband than her miscarriages, but that didn't mean she liked it. Waking up sweaty and aroused with her fiancé next to her was a problem.

"Have you heard from Shawn?"

Taryn shook her head which made the room spin a little. "No. I was pretty harsh when I kicked him out, so I don't expect to."

"He'll turn up again."

"Like a bad penny. Isn't that what Daddy used to say?"

"He did! He was often referring to himself, which makes it funnier," Patricia said with a smile.

"Most men are bad pennies! Earl wasn't, though. He was a shiny and bright and wonderful."

"He wasn't perfect, you know. No one is."

Taryn scoffed. "Jules is perfect. I have the perfect man, but I'm thinking about someone else. What is wrong with me?"

Just then a text notification appeared on her phone, so she picked it up.

Was sleeping on the couch with Hen

Have fun!

But I'll miss you, mon coeur

❤️❤️❤️

Holding her phone out to her mom, she said, "See? Even his texts are perfect!"

"He's wonderful, but as perfect as he may be, that doesn't mean he's perfect for you."

"You're giving me One Direction vibes, which is making me feel old. Let's finish this wine and go to bed so that we don't miss our pedicures in the morning."

Tricia took the bottle from her daughter. "I'll put this in the fridge for tomorrow. It is definitely bedtime."

Taryn brushed her teeth, washed her face, and crawled into the soft bed. As she drifted off to sleep, she tried not to think of Shawn again, but soon she was picturing his beautiful brown eyes and warm smile. One minute she was awake, and the next they were together in her dream.