Non Verbal

25

Obviously, I wouldn't keep it.

I want to be a professional soccer player, can't do that with a child on the hip can I?

That doesn't quite feel right anymore.

The soccer thing. Maybe that's not what I want to do?

I just stare back at myself in my mirror. My face was bare, my hair straight but messy from being asleep in Rowan's armchair for hours.

That was weird of me, I probably shouldn't do that.

Because the friendship with Rowan is dependant on Sutton. And as bad as it sounds if Sutton and Fran are getting back together... I don't know what that will mean for our friendship.

We bonded over mutual heartbreak and we've been really close. Which I am sure Fran doesn't like that much, like I am sure she's a little uncomfortable with how close we are.

For example he can't stay here or well I can't stay at his anymore really.

I am spiralling a little simply just because I didn't really see him today when I saw him. I am a needy friend, we have already established this.

But anyway, my point is that I get attached to people and especially people like Rowan and Sutton, who feel pretty safe. I don't have guards up around them you know? And if Sutton stops talking to me, then I wouldn't see Rowan either so maybe I should just be careful there.

I take his jumper off, suddenly realising that it was still drowning me, and I toss it into my wash basket.

He also has a girlfriend, or well India, who doesn't like me one bit. Which means that the late-night car rides with Sutton and Rowan will probably be stopping.

And Scarlett.

She went off with Nathan.

She didn't even realise Blaise was about to explode in that assembly.

Hell, she jumped up and abandoned me with Blaise, who she knew I am not comfortable around and went after Nathan to make sure he was ok.

He wasn't ok because what they were performing hit a little close to home.

He's still the villain in this story, no matter how guilty he feels about it, surely?

And what the hell happened with Blaise? Who- like when? Him and Scar have been together for years. Pretty much. I mean there has been big breaks but- I just- I don't know.

I feel like my brain is tired and there's so much stressing me out.

Oh god, I have homework.

And fucking hell I have to prepare for my audition next Friday.

One week.

One week.

And then the spring show rehearsals are starting back up, which means that Tea gets so much more intense because I am the lead in that show. I wasn't in the assembly so the past couple of weeks has been easy as pie.

And soccer, christ.

My knees hurt.

And so does my throat but my voice is back, so at least there is that.

"Lottie?" Emersyn asks softly and I turn around and notice that she looks a little brighter, less upset.

November is up, getting ready to go back to her house with Em.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, just tired. I might stay here and get an early night."