The Colt & The Cobra - THE SPECTER SERIES [book six]

Chapter FORTY ONE

I freeze, keeping my eyes on the door, unable to look in her eyes.. "I dunno, do I wanna know?"

She sighs, wistful and longing, like making a wish.. "If you hadn't lied to me.. If you had told me the truth from the start.. Maybe I could have given you a different answer just now.. Maybe it would've been the answer my heart wanted to give.. Instead of the one you forced me to.."

I turn to meet her gaze, trying to decipher exactly what she is saying..

I think it means that she feels it too.. Or at least, she did..

Her heart..

I don't dare to presume it changes anything.. Except that now I am certain..

Mikki De'lucca keeps a place in her heart for me..

She might hate herself for it, but she feels something for me and that is all the motivation I need right now..

A small token of hope to delude myself with, just a little longer..

I force a smile, committing to memory the sweet slope of her delicate, upturned button-nose and the pretty pout of her ruby lips .. So beautiful.. Damnit.. "If I hadn't been lying to myself from the start, maybe I could'a done that.. I guess that's why they say hindsight is 20/20."

She smiles weakly.. "Yeah.. I guess so.."

Reluctantly, I smile back, knowing this is probably the last time we will talk honestly like this.. Maybe not at all.. And I'll never feel this close to her again.. "I'll--uh-- see-ya, Mikki.."

She chews the inside of her cheek.. "Goodbye, Colt."

Fuck!

I slip out of the room and pull the door closed, hearing the lock click into place, I stop to lean against the wall.. Trying to maintain my composure through a complete loss of dignity.. Her rejection rolls around my head, all the while a dull ache throbs in my empty chest..

This is exactly what I had been trying to avoid, all my life.. This empty, internally devastating feeling..

If this is love, I don't fucking want it..

"Hey there handsome.." A familiar silky pur has my foggy head snapping around to see Lemon, approaching quickly down the linoleum lined hallway towards me.. The click of her shiny leather high heels echoes down the corridor as she slinks closer.. "Long time, no see, Lover-Boy.." When she reaches me she smiles slyly, reaching up to wrap her arms around my neck, drawing me into a tight embrace..

To be honest, I never understood what Lemon saw in me.. I'll admit, we never made a whole lot of sense together, since we couldn't be more different..
But now?
Aw, hell.. Now I can see that we ain't different at all, and the reason Lemon was interested in me seems obvious.. Because I'm full of shit.. Just like her.

"Uh.. H-hey Lemmy.." Stunned by her overly affectionate approach, I move to quickly detangle myself from her hold..

She hadn't wanted much to do with me last time we saw each other, I'm pretty sure her exact words to me were, 'I need a man who wants it all, and that isn't you.'

I wasn't driven enough for Lemon.. I didn't have the ambition to match her own, and she was smarter than to settle for a guy leagues beneath her.. Really, I didn't care all that much at the time..

Now, I'm beginning to think I should have seen it as the warning that it was..

That I was wasting my life.. I AM wasting my life, because it's not like anything has changed..