The Commander and The Girl

Chapter 57

There's a small creek in the floorboard as the weight from the end of my bed is lifted. I don't try and conclude whether or not someone is still in the room. I haven't cried. The only shred of life protruding from me is the small rapid breaths I give off when my mind is too scattered. It feels like I've been wallowing in my own filth for hours if not a whole day, but the lack of commotion and presence of natural light tells me different. I shift my jaw bringing my back the the backboard of my bed. No one's there.

Slowly standing I put my boots back on that somehow were flung to the ground in the midst of our arrival, and I open the door to the hall. It's eerily silent and there's not even a guard there to watch over me.

The halls feel endless as I try to reach the outdoors. I just need some fresh air. I just need to figure out what I'm feeling. I'm not mad or upset, yet I want to fling the closest object to me across the floor. My stomach is tight and my arms are tense like is a battle, but there is no one to fight. My feet take control and the months being stuck in this prison guide me to my destination.

It's almost dusk when I enter the courtyard. People are eating dinners and crying, reuniting and vowing to never do something that stupid. I've vowed the same thing numerous times, yet it never sticks. No one blocks my way as I go through the gates. The path has smoothed out from the numerous excursions making it easy on my flimsy legs.

There's birds jumping from tree to tree making a crunching noise each time. They're a dark brown with ugly feathers, but if you look closely enough they have deep emeralds and cobalt blues adorning their chest. If I had a bow they would be dead. But I don't.
The smoggy smell of the air and humidity tells me it will probably rain overnight if not soon. I'd be fine alone in the rain. The gods knows I've been through more.
I take a deep breathe heaving in the thick air. There's a small stump of a tree we knocked down long ago and I sit feeling the overwhelming exhaustion take over.

I fiddle with two rocks, striking them against one another creating sparks every time or so.
I need to get back to the capital. Surely Lexa has killed Pike already in the ceremony for Gaia. There must be a chaos for power at the tower. Plus there's Roan to deal with. He's probably trying to twist Gaia under his grasp already as she would be head of state without Lexa. Lexa. She's probably going to distance herself from me. She'll blamed herself for what's happened and not acknowledge how it was inevitable.

I heave a dark laugh.

It was inevitable. My mother was becoming too crazed to be kept alive. Her words were venomous and she had too much of a pull on the people making her dangerous. She was too much.

I crack the two rocks once more and one breaks right in two. Almost like clockwork a water droplets splashes against the leaves and lands on my jacket. It's time to return.

I break away from the forest and seem to make it back to the base faster than how I left. I only slow my pace once making it through the gate. People start to take notice of my presence now, a few coming up to thank me. I go through the standard responses trying to catch wherever Lexa may be. Gathering a crowd now it's more difficult to move when someone taps me on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry I have somewhere to be." I begrudgingly say not turning to face the person.

"Clarke."

I turn to see Raven eyeing me in bewilderment. She smiles a bit before I wrap my arms around her.

"Raven!" I chuckle a bit letting her go. I feel a wave of emotions melt through me almost as if they're being discarded. "Where are Kane and Lexa?" I ask pushing us into the main entrance.

"Back in the medical ward, I can take you there if you'd like." She adds though her body language gives away that she was looking for something else.

"No it's fine, I know where it is."

I smile towards her ensuring my independence, but her eyes linger a moment unsure. Not waiting for a response I leave her standing and start to the med bay.

It's not long before I know I'm in the right place. Three guards of our own flock the hall leading to the medical ward, and five warriors stand guard as well. I nod to them as I make haste, not scared of any of them.

I suck in a deep breathe before opening the door. It's quiet as though they've already finished their discussion, or they haven't even started.

Lexa's standing at the back with Indra, with Kane siting at a table propped up. Lincoln and Octavia stand closest to me almost guarding the door I enter. Kane is the first to speak, a worried look placating his face.

"Clarke, please sit you shouldn't be up so soon. Is everything alright?"

I stand my ground.
"Yeah, everything's fine. I just came to see what is going to happen henceforth. I assume you will be indoctrinated into te position of chancellor soon again, and with the Fleimkepa's ceremony only being two days ago I imagine Polis needs their commander soon as well."

"The capital is fine without me. I am in no hurry to leave Clarke." Lexa states quickly.

"I am no fool. I know what's happened is traumatic and I know my mother died just hours ago," the room grows cold as no one speaks up, "but I want everyone to realize that I am ok. I've been through a lot and one thing was realizing that was no longer my mother. If we were only staying here at the Ark we could stay, wallow, and live through our grief, but the world doesn't revolve around Arkadia. Polis needs its commander and so do the people who stay there. If Lexa doesn't return soon they will start to question things. We have already caused enough disarray to the land, and I don't want to create more. We need to head back."
I pause at the sound of my own voice. It feels good to be in a position of authority again.

Lexa breaks away from the wall, but Indra reaches a hand out before.
"She is right Heda, the sooner you may return the easier it will be calm the unrest. You may have been there at the burnings of the celebration but you were not there to start the feast. You must return to state your claim with the new Fleimkepa."

At this point I know we've won her over. Indra is a voice Lexa will always listen to, especially in times like this.

"Fine. We stay to support Kane and ensure the people of Arkadia are safe, then we leave when the moon's at its highest point." Her words linger at the end of her sentence as she turn focus to me.

I know the question she wants to ask, and I answer it.
"I'm coming with."