The Commander and The Girl

Chapter 17

CLARKE POV
It looks like we're in Lexa's dining room. There's a long table running down the middle filled with fruits and meat.
The smell is almost intoxicating.
I look around the room and notice only two seats are available. They've been strategically placed, one directly in front of Lexa and one to her far right. I sigh taking the seat next to Kane. I'm directly in front on Lexa seated just as I had been the day she had to kill Gustus. Smart move Roan.
I meet Lexa's gaze and she seems as much uncomfortable with this as I do. I take a deep breathe and clear my throat.
Lexa taking the hint begins to speak.
"Thank you Clarke of the Sky People, Wanheda, for joining us this evening, I'm sure you'd like to know our verdict."
She can't even meet my eyes.
"I'm afraid I've already been filled in thanks to Gaia, although I would like to know the fate of my clan since you did grant me the ability to still lead them." I reply sickly sweet. I turn to Gaia and give her a small smile. She turns from Lexa and I try to see the connection.

"Of course." Lexa looks hurt at my words, yet covers it with a scowl.
"The thirteenth clan will be granted the right to live a peaceful life. They may keep their lands, and their firearms. However we will be granted half the supply of such guns and we will bring justice to the assassins. You may be at peace with myself, but sacrifices must be made to appease the ambassadors." She keeps on clenching and relaxing her fist as if to distract her. She can't distract herself from the truth.

"And I had no say in the assassins fate did I? Not even as Skaikru's Ambassador?" I question, unbreaking.

"We decided that the title will be passed to Kane. Your wants have not been in favor of Skaikru recently, Wanheda." Roan states.

"So just like that I've been kicked." I remark.
No one responds. I I glance over each ambassador.
They're all either pissed or terrified of me.
"Why don't we all just eat."I mumble, an octave louder than wanted.
Everyone looks taken aback from me establishing the feast. They all point their attention to Lexa's reaction, but all she does is nod once before eating herself. I should probably learn to quit taking control of the room, I'm only a prisoner anyways.

"Your mother will be here soon." I hear Kane say among the many voices.

"I know." I cut through the meat maybe too forcefully.

"She would be proud of what you said earlier today. You not only saved your own skin, but you saved our people."

I look up at Kane preoccupied in his vegetables.

"At want cost? I'm a prisoner here Marcus. You have to give up half of our only protection. The grounders won't even use them. It's just a symbol of our loss. And I pushed away everyone to get it." I realize how many stupid things I've done. I place my focus on my food ashamed.

"I tried to get you out of it."
Kane whispers.

"I insisted you stay at the Ark to never be seen again, yet King Roan was persistent on your imprisonment here. He was able to shift the opinions of everyone in one fell swoop." He pauses before saying even quieter, "Tell Lexa to watch out for him."

I stop eating.
"Why do you expect me to be able to tell her this?"

"I know you talk." He says and before I can interrupt.
"Just promise me you will Clarke." He finishes his food and looks up to me trying to convey his urgency. I force a small nod and go back to eating. Apparently Gaia's not the only one whose heard rumors.
Lexa hasn't said a word to me, and smartly so.
I hear her laugh in conversations and make remarks to her warriors but I never let her make contact. I try to focus on Octavia and Lincoln.
They're at the left end of the table talking softly. One looks at another when they think the other can't see and they share a look as though they're lost in one another. No matter their circumstance they always prevail. They were truly meant for each other. My heart aches at watching them. I want that. All this time I've pushed those I care about away, but now I feel stupid. I feel stupid because all this time all I've wanted is to love someone and to be loved. Another thing to add on my list of screwups.
I'm swept from my fantasy when I hear my name being called.
"Clarke, Clarke!" I look up to see Lexa staring intently at me.
"Why don't you tell them how you saved me from Pauna." She slurred. I never knew she got drunk. By the way Indira is intently staring at her from the wall, it seems this isn't a usual occurrence.

"I don't think this is an appropriate time." I insist trying to leave the spotlight.

"Nonsense!" Gaia giggles. Seems as if they're all drunk. I laugh at her lack of composure. I look at everyone paying attention. Roan looks lazily at his blade, guess not everyone's drunk.

"Ok, fine. So I had left the village for a walk when I see my guard's left me I look around and find her. I was absolutely relieved when I did as I swore someone was following me. My guard looks at me, arm ripped out and whispers, 'Run'. So I did, then proceeded to get tackled by one of the Trikru warriors. He pinned me down and winded his arm back with a blade aimed for my chest then he screams." I pause and see I've caught almost everyone's attention.
"I look up to see a blade sticking out of his arm and Lexa standing not too far from me having thrown it." I hear some applauds for their Commander and begin to smirk. I lose track of how much I've told, too into the story when a loud thud comes from the opposite end of the room. An Azgeda warrior is slumped to the floor unconscious.

I rush to him swaying as I do so. I hadn't realized I began to drink as well. I take a deep breathe trying to focus and check his pulse.
"He, he's alive!" I laugh nervously.
Everyone follows suit if not awkwardly laughing.

"He's probably passed out from the alcohol. We should all go back to our bedchambers and sleep this all off." Kane announces the alcohol not taking effect on him.
Everyone groans, but file out to their separate rooms.
I point at him, my finger feeling heavier than usual.
"You brought the alcohol again didn't you?"
I'm not sure whether I actually said it though as I gain no response.
I slump into my chair and pick at an uneaten carrot.
I sit at the table confused as to where my room is then look up to see Lexa staring at me. I look at her confused but she doesn't stop. Gaia breaks her stare and whispers something in her ear. Lexa shrugs and Gaia walks up to me.

"Don't worry Clarke I'll be walking you to your room." She smiles, though her voice has a high sense of authority.

"So how long have you and Lexa been together?" She wiggles her brows.

"What!" I laugh. I can feel my heart begin to race.

"Please! Im supposed to watch Lexa's every move, so when she stares at you and you at her I know." She insists.

"I don't know." I say meekly.

"Well you should pull a move!" She yells.

Indra turns the corner to see both of us laughing hysterically.

"Gaia? What have you done to her?" She demands.

Gaia looks up to her.
"Noootthinggg." She draws out. I laugh before heading into the my room in front of us. Gaia waves goodbye before being dragged away by Indra. They look so alike, I bet that's her mom.

Still with some consciousness I take a glass of water from my pitcher and gulp it down. I undress into only my undergarments and snuggle into the sheets on the bed.

I wake up with a major headache and look to see a woman at my door. I sit up holding a fur to my chest against the cold air and squint to see who it is.

"Lexa are you still drunk? It's pitch black out." I say not wanting to leave my bed.

"I know." She says quietly, not moving.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to have to take you prisoner but they insisted, and I'm not going to get anywhere leading when they don't respect me."
Her voice is soft like silk. Her pleads make my stomach turn. I don't answer knowing what I'd say she won't like.

"I just wanted you to know. I still care. I care for you Clarke. Please remember that." She finally looks up meeting my eyes.

Suddenly I've sobered up
"Of course." I don't say anymore, not wanting to regret anything else.
She stands there anticipating something before leaving wordlessly.
I let out a breathe I didn't know I had once the doors shut. My hearts beating in my chest and I can't calm it. I focus on the tapestry against the wall and take deep breaths. I fall asleep after hours.