The Commander and The Girl

Chapter 56

CLARKE POV
I follow Lexa as she opens and closes doors more and more aggressively. Her hair has fallen out of its larger braid into a long wave trailing her back. We may have resolved our verbal issues, but we haven't even scratched the lid of our emotional ones. I study the beast trudging so heavily through the halls, not wanting to provoke her anymore than I already have. I know what's going through her mind whether I'll ever want to admit it.
I was in the wrong.
I never want to admit it but I was.
I didn't stop for a moment to think about her side of things. I acted as though she was a child who was better off not knowing, instead of a fully grown adult who's equal to me, or at least should be.

Lexa stops so abruptly I almost run into her as she raises her palm. There's a small battering in the room ahead of us, and judging by the vacancy there's only one person who could be there.

We follow slowly and I hear a soft crying through the door. I knock softly as Lexa's moved out of the way, and the door opens up.

My stomach becomes a void as I look at the mess my mother has become. Her eyes are sharp and keen with a redness bulging out of the eye sockets. She's become so manic she's popped blood vessels in her own eyes. She reaches out a hand and moves Kane behind her. She's standing from her chair and reaches me slowly. Her hand is cold as it touches my face. Lexa steps through the door and shuts it behind her.

The room is still as I stare into my mothers eyes. She seems so clear minded I think I may actually have her back. She smiles softly as her other hand reaches my right cheek.

"You have always been so beautiful." She whispers. Her tone is rather melancholy as a tear falls from her blood soaked eye. Lexa ushers the guards out of the room, bringing Kane outside with. Before she leaves I brush my hand against her arm warning her to stay.

"There's only one way out of here. I am so sorry for all the pain I have caused." Her eyes flicker behind me, to Lexa.

Her frail hands cup my cheeks and she leans in to kiss my forehead.

"I no longer know what life I live here." Her hands become firm against my skin.
"If only the young daughter I knew had lived to see this Earth." Her hands drop to my neck. Her nails dig into the flesh on my collar as she shoves me into the door.

Lexa's hands instinctively reach out to my mother before my neck, knowing she can't kill her way out of this one.

Her hands are so tight Lexa's pulling do no help as my vision hazes. My mother doesn't loosen her grip, she wants me to hurt.

Only one of us makes it out of here. She told me that once days before sending my father to his death.

My skin grows cold as I feel Lexa's hand reassuringly grab my wrist. My hands are clawing at my own neck.

It only takes a second for the pain to subdue and my heart to clench.
It only takes me a moment to take in the sound of a blade meeting flesh.

There's a gasp of air as someone pulls me away from the doorway. They straddle me and cover my from the outside world.

"I'm sorry Clarke." She whispers.
I groan an unearthly noise refusing to open my eyes back up.  I know what's happened. It all went by so fast I don't even know if there could have been another outcome.

My mother wanted this. That's why she was fine with Lexa staying. She knew she couldn't keep living like this. She knew. She told me when I saw her last. She warned me of what she wanted to do. I had no clue.

I reach my arms out and hug Lexa feeling her heart lay over my chest.

I stay here for a while. I no longer weep for someone I long had lost. I stay in the darkness of my mind, refusing to open my eyes. I can focus on what everyone's saying, doing, and even who's looking.

Lexa comes in and out of my bedroom where she carried me to. My bed still smells of old pine needles. I would still be in the room with my mothers dead carcass had she not moved me. It still feels unreal.

I half expect her to come in the room and soothe me to slumber, or even yell at me about how I've ruined my life and how I much I need her. I would prefer either to the reality of the present.

I turn my body to the ceiling, still shutting my eyes, and lift the blanket covering my chest over my face.

"There was no getting out of it." I hear someone say.

Monty sits at the edge of my bed sighing as he places a comforting hand on my leg.

"The world is cruel and unforgiving. There's no getting around it."