Resilience

15| Shut Up...Just Shut Up

Apart from a sense of hope that has been building ever since I arrived here, but maybe it's for the best.

I shouldn't expect anything, specially not happiness,

Because I don't deserve it, I never did.

With these thoughts racing in my mind, I finally bring myself to calm down, my feeling of panic gradually fading into numbness.

My earlier scared expressions were now slowly turning cold and none of that went unnoticed by my oldest brother's probbing eyes.

"Let's go inside okay?" Alexander asked one more time.

I need to be strong

"Okay." I took a deep breath and got out of my seat before Alexander could open the door.

I was ready to go inside.

Or perhaps not–

We both then took slow steps towards the house, which looked just as normal as any other house from outside but I knew that the chaos awaited me inside.

Walking through the silent hallways of the mansion that I have still not become familiar with, a single emotion of fear ran through my veins as I was set off by trepidation of what might happen.

The only sounds that resonated were from the footsteps of Alexander and I walking towards the living room. Mine were, however, hesitant while Alexander walked at my pace.

My oldest brother was awfully quiet, but so was I, and honestly it's not like he was much of a talker anyway.

A searing pain was rising from every part of my body, which was making it a struggle for me to breathe, walk or even act normally but I tried to adjust myself to the pain, knowing well that I still had to deal with the rest of the people.

I kept repeating the reassuring words, trying to convince myself that I wasn't weak, and that I could get through it all.

But there was a voice in my head telling me

That I wasn't

To say I was nervous would be an understatement, my anxiety was rising at a speed as if it was racing Usain Bolt.

And then I was also scared that I might not be able to explain my episode without disclosing anything from my past.

I don't want them to know anything

They'll only be disgusted by me.

Just as Alexander and I entered the living room, I was met with seven distressed looking people.

My brothers were hastily pacing around the room looking restless while my father sat on a sofa chair with one hand rubbing his temple, the atmosphere of the entire room looked tense.

And upon hearing the sound of footsteps approaching, all of their heads swiftly turned to look at us and in a flash, everyone rushed towards me.

My feet were frozen, and so was my body, and seeing everyone rushing towards me caused my eyes to instinctively close in fear, expecting an impact.

Please God, make this quick.

I was still standing frozen, breathing heavily, as only darkness was visible through my eyelids glued shut.

"Princess, please look at me." My father said, his voice barely above whisper but clearly audible, not hiding the pain behind it as he spoke.

My teary vision looked up into his frightful eyes, which were filled to the brim with concern.