if i die tomorrow - permanent hiatus

tears

     "Are you all right?"

      I started, looking back at you. We were alone in the Castle halls, the dim buzzing of servants bustling back and forth but a distant memory, detached from us, the quiet wrapping around us like gentle arms.

     Your eyes were earnest, concerned, despite the fact that you still felt slightly out of place in my presence. Your hand had shot out and grabbed my wrist before I could walk away, the warmth of your fingers somewhat eerie against my ice-cold skin.

     I blinked slowly, then nodded, the words I wanted to say to you dying in my throat, unreleased, yet again. 

     Sunlight streamed in from the large crystal windows standing over our heads, and they set your golden hair ablaze with light, caught the sheen of your eyes.

     I smiled, setting my hand on yours. Gently I pushed it off my wrist.

     "Link." You breathed my name like a sigh. I knew well what running out of words looked like. 

     "It's okay." I rasped, still stubbornly reluctant to speak even after all of the tangled mess we had been though. "I just need to think for a while."

     "I--" You started, then looked down at your boots, avoiding my gaze. 

     "Princess, it's okay." I whispered. What had just happened a few minutes ago flashed behind my eyes, and I blinked again, trying to arrange my expression into something other than so deeply wounded I could hardly breathe.

     "I just wanted to be... here for you like you were... for me."

     You were biting you lip to stop it from trembling.

     "What he said wasn't your fault, okay?" I fought the impulse to throw my arms around her and never let go again. "I just... need to think about it. All right? Rest. I'll be fine."

     You stepped back, unshed tears reined into your suddenly blazing eyes. "Are you just going to let him get away with it? He attacked your dignity, your purity, your honour. And you aren't even going to say something?"

     I sighed, slowly rubbing my temples against the flare of headache. "It's not worth it, Princess. Who am I to rebuke a noble?"

     I was back in my room, curled up in a dusty corner that no sunlight ever touched, your face alight with anger seared into my mind.

     Darkness was my only companion as I lay there in silence, my eyes closed. My hands were laying limp, a touch of light brushing my fingertips.

     My usually wide open windows were closed that day, the song of the birds dotting the branches reaching up to my window muted, muffled. The rustle of the forest green leaves waving lazily in the light breeze shut out from my silent room, the chattering of the stone pathways teeming with ordinary people who needed not worry about the weight of the whole world on their shoulders, pointedly detached from reaching in at all.

     Oppressively quiet, the walls pressing in on me, stealing the breath out of my lungs. I welcomed it.

     I would not cry today. I hadn't cried for years.

     "Are you just going to let him get away with it?" Your words hung around my head like a swarm of bees, masking my mind from anything else.

     I opened my eyes, staring dimly at the dust motes fluttering lightly down to tenderly caress the floorboards, lit with sunlight.

     He had called me the worst thing he could call me by.

     A bastard.

     I had never known my mother. I didn't know where she was or if she had run away or even if she was still alive. 

     My hands clenched into fists. Curse her. Curse the rumors flying around Hyrule like a cluster of headless flies.

     How could a bastard save the world? How could a bastard protect the heart of the Kingdom, protect you?

     Why fight back if it wasn't like I haven't heard this accusation a million times before?

     You couldn't know. If you did, you would never touch me, never speak to me again.

     My fist curled tighter and my chest contracted, a strange grief that didn't quite belong to me overtaking me.

     I was being weak, disgustingly weak. Just a few words reduced me to such a pathetic state.

     Feeling my throat bob as I swallowed, I sat up, rubbing my eyes. A bright ray of light peeked in from the window like a curious child, bringing with it the inexplicably intoxicating scent of fresh air.

     A slight smile danced on the corners of my lips, thinking about you, how defensive you were over me. If I hadn't dragged you away in time, I was positive that you would have jumped on the noble and attacked him with your bare hands. 

     I leaned my head back to the walls, breathing in deeply. 

     Could my father could see me now, up there in the stars? 

     Was he proud?