Maximoff an Age of Ultron x Reader

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Tw: self harm, suicidal thoughts, implied rape, self hatred.

You finish chopping the vegetables so you ask Laura "What do you want me to do with the knife."

"You can just put it in the sink."

"Okay." You walk over to the sink. You act as though you are going to put it in the sink but you don't. You sneak it into your pocket.

"I'm going to use the bathroom." You tell Laura.

"Okay." She responded.

You go to the bathroom and lock the door. You look through the various cabinets till you find what you need. Some rubbing alcohol, a few bandages, cotton swabs and medical tape.

You take the blade out of your pocket and rinse it off. For some reason even in these situations you can't help but clean a dirty dish.

You dry off the blade and bring it to your left forearm, you always cut there because it's easier to hide. You press down and glide the blade across your skin. You pull it back feeling the sweet pain that brings you relief. Some blood begins to poor out. For some reason it calms you.

1

It should have been me

2

I'm too weak

3

I'm so stupid

4

No one loves me

5

Those who tell me they love me lie to me

6

7

8

9 . . .

You ran out of reasons to tell yourself and just keep cutting but then you accidentally cut too deep and let out a cry of pain.

'That's enough.' You tell yourself. You grab the alcohol and cotton swabs. You put a little onto the cotton and clean your arm a little. It burns but you don't care. Then you take the bandages and wrap them around your arm. You take the tape and use it for extra security to keep the bandages in place.

24

That's how many times you cut today.

24

You begin to put stuff back where you found it when you see a bottle. It had some kind of pills in it. You read it and apparently it's painkillers. If you take too many it can kill you. Might be useful. You tell yourself.

You tuck the bottle in your pocket, flush the toilet, run the sink and leave the bathroom.

You go back to the kitchen to see if you can help Laura with anything. "Sorry if took a little in there."

"Oh it's fine." She pauses for a moment before asking, "I thought I heard you let out a yell are you alright?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure it's fine if you are hurt don't think you are a burden or anything."

"I'm alright. Just kick a corner... on... the counter. That was way too hard for me to say out loud." You laugh and so does Laura.

You don't want anyone to find out what you do to yourself. They would judge you, lock you away and hurt you worse that you hurt yourself.

That's what happened at HYDRA. They found you cutting yourself and took you away from your family.

They would take advantage of you in ways you wouldn't even admit to yourself. Tell you that you wanted it. You are 13 you don't want what they did to you.

They would also forced you, a child, to fight the winter soldier then locked you in a cell with him. You became close with him over time which made it harder to fight him. He had brief moments where he was himself but hydra had programmed words into his brain which forced him to comply with them.

They stole many of your memories of your time there but let you remember your family and past. It was how they could trick you into thinking you still were there by choice.

You did your best with helping him remember himself but it never fully worked. Then one day he disappeared. HYDRA finally moved you back to your family but said if you told them what happened they would kill you. That only added to your feelings of stupidity and self hatred.

You get pulled from your thoughts by Laura tapping you in the shoulder. "Sorry did zone out."

"It's alright I was just going to say that I could show you to the room you will be sleeping in."

"Okay." She showed you to the room and gave you a few more clothes. "Any more chores need help with?"

"No, I think we are all good around the house. Unless you want to help Steve and Tony chop wood."

"If being honest. I need to be busy. Helps me."

"Alright I'll see if you can help them." She begins to walk out and you follow her outside to where Steve and Tony are chopping wood. You haven't talked to either of them yet so maybe you could apologize for that. "Hey y/n was wondering if she could help you guys chop wood."

Steve looked up from the ground toward you. "You sure kid?"

"Help me if keep busy." You tell him, hoping that answers him.

"Okay." He goes back to work and you pick up an axe.