Stars in the sky || Loki x Reader !ON HOLD!

~Chapter 30~

His fingers danced over all the letters she had sent him, there weren't many but every word written down held meaning or at least he thought they did. He was hurt anyone could see that yet no one seemed to care it was a month ago after all. Even his mother had stopped trying to comfort him, and his brother was busy away making business arrangements on behalf of Odin. He would be made king, that was clear, Odin had already told loki he did have the emotional stability to be a king or the physical strength. He was told that Asgard needed a strong ruler, one that the people could look up to not a little boy who's heart still belongs to a mere village girl. The days went by slowly and the nights even slower, he found himself wandering the halls and sitting in the castles garden remembering when he pressed his lips against hers. If he hadn't been so foolish maybe she'd still be here, unhappily married but still here within the walls, near him.

The paper crumpled slightly beneath his fingers creating creases inbetween words, fitting really how easy words are destroyed. Made into nothing but meaningless scribbles that some delicate hand made, how easy it is to tell someone they are loved and cherished. How foolish was he to believe such words, after all that's all they were nothing but ink dripped onto paper staining the perfect parchment beneath. Silly really how much this effect him, so much to the point that his eyes never seemed dry and his vision blurred, his bones wrapped under his skin making him look as dead as he felt. His eyes travelled across the room resting in the books that had been discarded on the floor long ago. All love stories, none ended like how his did, every book he picked up seemed to mock him, the letters describing a blissful romance between two young lovers, those that were able to remain as one. It wasn't fair, but saying that made him sound like a spoilt child that didn't get their way, then again that's what he was. A child with one too many responsibilities that forced him to grow up too fast, he never asked to be a prince, he never asked to be controlled and trained like a animal and be put on display as a trophy. Riches surrounded him but none were as pretty as her neither as valuable, all the gold strained his eyes and the silk on his bedsheets layed over him but never kept him warm or comforted him like her arms could. The food was much to rich and usually laid in his plate cold like the touch of his skin, he was alway cold now or maybe he only just realised because she wasn't there to keep him warm. He definitely missed her and he would for as long as his heart beat and his lungs breathed, he was certain about that, it was probably the only thing he did know for sure, everything else was foggy. The only thing he thought of was her but yet even her face was getting distorted in his mind, he tried so hard to picture her like he used to be able to, afraid that if he couldn't his memory of her would slip away just like his dignity.

Jealous of his brother and how he could do so much and Odin wouldn't even frown, only make exuses for his perfect son "he's learning, he's still young and a young heart is hard to tame, he will learn in time." That was the explanation he was given for Thor's recklessness, but yet when he broke down at dinner only three days ago he was scolded for letting his emotions get through to him, no one came to visit him that night, to hold him and tell him he mattered and that he was loved and valued. That's all he wanted, someone to tell him the things she used to even though it wouldn't be the same and he knew that. He wondered if she sat in her room regretting what she said, he saw the hesitation that's came over her when he screamed her name in desperation, the small stop in her steps as she battled against turning around. Or maybe that's just what his mind had conjured up, another lie he told himself to feel a little better, not that it really helped. He was a sad little sight really, moping around with a heavy heart about a girl that didn't even care for him. How pathetic, carefully setting the letters to the side as there words ran from more tears that fell onto them, he stood up and walked his way to the mirror, his bones clicking with every movement. How long had he been sitting there staring at those papers trying to make sense of everything in his clouded mind? The reflection glared back at him with hateful eyes, what a disappointment. He couldn't even do one thing right and now he was a burden on everyone else, a disgrace to the family name. If you could even say he was a Odinson- what a silly thing to say, he didn't want to be associated with Odin yet he was given a name that would haunt him forever and remind him how weak he was compared to his brother. Always standing in his shadow, never doing anything right, the runt of the family. That's what he was known as, he heard the servants whispers, speaking of how he should just give up and leave the castle. Cruel but deserved, he alway told himself that, their words were true and he did nothing to change them. He lost his confidence and felt his words get stuck in his throat whenever he tried to defend himself and all this was her fault. Yet he couldn't hate her, no matter how much he tried or pretended, it was impossible and he cursed himself for that, hating everything about his disgusting self for letting him feel this way for not letting go.

As his reflection stared back he couldn't even recognise himself, no that wasn't him, his true self was left with her, he was nothing but a shell now. Living without a real meaning, going mad with his own thoughts and he'd do nothing to stop that.

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A/n: I apologise for taking so long to update, school has been really stressful recently :/

I hope u are all okay <3