forelsket | johnny cade

chapter 16

The rock I kicked sputtered into the darkest as I walked to Bucks. It was cold. Freezing really. I shivered in my sweats, yes sweats. Sweats for the bar tonight. Thats what my life is now.

I didn't need to look all pretty, I didn't plan on seeing anyone I liked. Maybe Dallas, but I could care less about the way he see's me. I just wanted a drink, or a few. Just some type of way to get my head away from Johnny.

I kicked the door open and stepped inside, taking in the smell and warm air. I had almost forgot how gross and loud it was in here, and it was only pounding my head harder the longer I stayed.

I'll grab a few beers and get out, no need to stay. I would have just drank what we had at home, but Darry would have noticed. Darry would have yelled. Darry would have been mad, and he would have made the others worry about me. The last thing I needed right now was any group of boys down my throat.

I made my way through the crowd of people to the bar. With every step I took, the sicker I felt. I kept my eyes forward, away from anyone who stared at me. I wanted beer, this was how I had to get it.

The man behind the counter took me out a pack of four after I handed him my money. This isn't how I should be spending this. I smiled at him and walked away quickly, not wanting him to rethink if I was old enough or not.

I felt myself stumbling towards the door on my way out. I hadn't even had a drink yet and couldn't keep myself up. This is what you get. This is what you get for hurting Johnny.

Before I could fall down, I felt a pair of arms grab my waist. Slipping into them, I looked up to see who it was, but the flashing lights weren't helping. Picking up my bottles of beer I had dropped, they gently picked me up and turned to walk the other way back into the bar.

"Damn it kid is it that hard to stay home when you don't feel well. I'm not your baby sitter!" The familiar voice groaned as he took me up the steps. Dallas.

When we made it into his room, he practically threw me onto his bed. My body flopped against the cold unmade blankets before I sat up again. Everything around me flashed in and out before my vision sat normal again. I grabbed my head and looked up to Dally who was popping one of my beers open with his teeth.

When the top flew off, before he could take a sip I reached forward and swept it out of his hand, taking it all down in a few quick sips.

"The least you can do is give me a beer smart ass." He said taking the bottle back. Once he realized it was empty, he tossed it into the corner of his room with the rest of his crap, yelling at me again.

"I've had enough on my plate today, taking care of your boyfriend you cheated on or whatever! Why are you here?"

"Boyfriend?" I mumbled back, after coughing a bit from my vigorous chugging. He rolled his eyes before they searched the room frantically and returned back to me.

"Johnny stupid. Where'd the kid go anyway? He was just in here." He replied, now pacing the room.

He knew Johnny and I were seeing each other? Johnny was here all day? Where's Johnny now? My mind raced with a million questions before the door to Dally's room began to open slowly.

Johnny.

..........

As I stared at the wall, my face fell emotionless. My eyes were dry, my nose was runny. Sometimes you feel like you're crying, but theres nothing left for your eyes to let go of. Now it's stuck with you, all inside, no way out.

Today Darry took me out to buy some new clothes. New books. A new toothbrush. New everything. I had nothing left from my house. From that fire.

I told him a million ties I didn't need a place to stay, that a girls home would suit me just fine, but he insisted.

After we went out, he offered to help put everything away, but I told him I could do it myself. Now my new shirts lay wrinkled under the box of school supplies in the corner, and I sit on my new bed.

I just wanted to think, to sit alone and think, maybe even cry. I tried to cry. I wanted to cry. I hadn't cried in two days. Since the burning house stole my parents and stole what little tears I had left.

Every 20 minutes or so someone would knock on the door. First Soda, I told him I didn't want to talk right now. Then Two, I said I needed a little more time. Then Pony, and even though it was his room I still told him I wasn't ready to come out. Then Steve, then Darry again. Dally never came, but thats not who I wanted to see anyway.

Another knock hit the door, and made me jump slightly.

"Race you don't have to let me in, just know I'm here, we are all here, if you want to talk. Take all the time you need."

This time, it was Johnny. The person I really wanted to see, to hear, to hug, but I didn't get up. I didn't mumble anything back like I had before. I kept my eyes on the wall ahead of me and continued back to my thoughts before his voice interrupted me again.

"Race are you okay in there? Just let me know if you're okay at least." He called again, slightly louder this time. I tried to open my mouth to say something back, but my voice was still gone from screaming, and my lips were still chapped from not drinking anything.

"Racer?" Johnny said again, his voice cracking slightly. Instead of moving or speaking, I felt my head fall down slightly as my eyes scanned lower down the wall.

A million thoughts raced through my head as the door to my room slowly started to open. Then he walked in and over to me.

Johnny.

..........

"Racer!" Dally yelled as he snapped his fingers. I lifted my head from my hands, snapping me back into reality. I looked up towards Dally, quickly shifted my eyes to Johnny. His face fell from a confused to look, to mad, to upset, to sorry. I looked into his eyes for only a moment longer before I realized I had to say something.

"I'm sorry." We said at the same time. I moved my eyes back down to my hands while Johnny giggled slightly. Dallas looked at us as if we were two homeless kids on the street playing in a pile of mud before he walked out, winking at Johnny before he did so.

"I'm sorry Johnny. I shouldn't have been mad at you for just trying to -" I started again but Johnny cut me off quickly as he mad his way over to sit on Dally's bed next to me. There was still an awkward inch of space, but I didn't mind. We were closer then we had been all day so it was fine with me.

"Race you shouldn't be sorry. I don't know why I was being so mean, all you were doing was being nice to whoever that guy was." I knew he was talking about Micheal, but I didn't want to correct him and ruin the moment.

"No, I should have listened to you when you said something about it the first time, I'm really sorry." I said again after he finished, moving my eyes to meet his once again. He smiled me and brought his body slightly closer to mine.

"I guess I can't stay mad at you forever," He whispered as he leaned in towards me, closing his eyes. I tilted my head slightly, then moved in to meet his lips. I brought my hand to his hair and ruffled it slightly as our lips danced in sync.

I was so happy to be kissing him again, right here. Right now. Johnny always found a way to cheer me up, even in the darkest of times. Like he had the night my parents died, like he had that day I wouldn't leave my room at the Curtis's, like he was just now.

As the kiss slowed, we both pulled away and opened our eyes to look into each others.

"You know you shouldn't be here right now." Johnny laughed. "It's almost 3 in the morning."

"Well I shouldn't have walked away from you either, should I?"

an. ew im sorry this chapter is so short. i was on such a roll with the updates but my dog hasn't been doing to well lately so i've been trying to deal with that and getting to the end of the school year. it might have a few errors as well but it's late and i'm tied lol. its a lot but i want to keep the story going for you all - im trying my best!! thanks for all the reads and votes and as always, thanks for reading! - c