Marvel Imagines - Book 1

#2 Bucky Barnes x Reader - Confessions

Imagine: Since Bucky moved into the Avengers Tower you two get along pretty well, but there are still things unspoken which you cannot avoid forever.

Warnings: mention of anxiety attacks and torture

Word count: 1331

After Steve saved his best friend Bucky Barnes from Hydras brainwashing and torture he moved into the Tower. It took him a while until he adjusted to the new world and his new life but his new family helped him in every way they possibly could.

After one month of living together with the Avengers he started to get comfortable. Finally all of you would eat together, have movie marathons on a friday evening and missions were much easier now that you could fully trust each other.

Even though Bucky gets along with all the Avengers where is one person he likes the most:

You.

You were the first person whose company he actually wanted. He appreciates the way you care about him. You'd always ask how he is doing, if he had a good night or if he needs to talk about anything. You were the first person he would open up to. He told you about his Nightmares, the anxiety Attacks and the constant fear he has. You were the first person who would understand.

It's been six months since Bucky moved in and you two are inseparable.

You are currently in the living Area in the Tower enjoying a movie while the others left to the nearest bar, this was obviously Tony's idea. Bucky didn't want to go and you stayed because you didn't want to leave  him alone.

"Whoa, hold up Buck" you gasped, shocked about the statement he just made. "You really agree with his actions?" you ask still in disbelief. Bucky just smirks at you, admiring your anticipation in the movie. "Well, yeah. I mean he isn't wrong, is he? I agree that he kind of overrea- " he couldn't even finish his sentence because of the jumpescare that makes you scream your heart out. "Holy shit, y/n, calm down." you just scared him to death.

You're curled up to his side your arms clinging around his metal arm, your heart still pounding in your chest, so loud that Bucky must hear it. It took him a moment to calm himself down and then he noticed you cuddling his arm, it wouldn't be a big deal if wasn't his metal arm you're holding on, the arm that caused hundreds of deaths. He instantly pulls it out of your grasp - harsher than he meant to - he pushes himself up from the couch and quickly goes to his room, leaving your fragile and scared form alone in the dark living room.

It took you at least 15 minutes to realize what had just happened. The movie is still playing so you shut the TV of, still trying to collect your thoughts. And then it dawns you:

You just invaded Buckys personal space, the only thing he isn't comfortable with yet!

You feel horrible, you both agreed to take small steps. Getting used to physical contact is tough and you don't want to push Bucky.

Bucky!

You quickly make your way to his room, stopping right in front of his door, hand already in place to knock on it.

Suddenly, you here something. It sounds like...crying?

"Bucky?", you whisper while you carefully open the door to his room. No answer. "I'm coming in, okay?". The door is now fully open. And there he is:

Laying on the floor, knees up to his chest, breathing heavily and tears streaming down his cheeks. You've never seen him like this before, crying yeah, but never in full panic mode.

"Oh my god, Bucky!" you say, rushing to his side and kneeling down next to him. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?" you ask, panic evident in your voice. "I- I'm fine" he answers, giving you a weak smile. "Yeah, obviously" you state, making him chuckle.

"Do you consent?" you ask. Something the two of you made up for situation like this. Situation in which you're not sure if he's fine with you touching him.

He nods and you gently cup his cheeks with your hands, whipping he's tears with your thumbs. He moves closer to you, leaning in your touch and putting his head in your lap.

The two of you sit like this for a moment, enjoying each others company.

"I- I'm sorry" he says, voice broken and filled with pain. "I'm sorry for giving you such a hard time and for-" he stumbles on but you silence him with a comforting "shhh, there is nothing you have to apologize for. I'm here for you, every single step of the way and we did pretty good so far, didn't we? And I'm here if you need talk, is there anything you want to talk about? About tonight?" you ask cautiously. You feel his body tense and you instantly regret asking. He shifts himself out of your hug and sits in front of you, avoiding eye contact.

"I really enjoyed watching the movie, like I always do. But when you suddenly had hold of, of this...thing, this weapon...", he points at his metal arm, "I could have hurt you. What if I had hurt you? You should be scared of me, why are you not scared?" He's struggling to keep his voice steady, holding back the tears.

He barely shows that side of him and seeing him like this breaks your heart.

"Buck..." you whisper, gently lifting his chin , your gaze meeting his mesmerizing blue eyes. "There is no need to be scared of you because you could never hurt me, Bucky. I trust you and that will never change." you state calmly.

"But I'm a monster..." he whispers, barely audibly.

Now it's your turn to cry but you try your best to keep it together, for him.
"You're not a monster, you never were and never will be a monster. You're Bucky Barnes, my best friend and nothing less. Your hands may are scarred from murder, and yet I trust them completely. "

"Why do you think so highly of me? After all I did?" he questions, not really believing in your words.

"Because it's the truth." you're now sobbing. "The world has been cruel to you Bucky, more than once. After all that had happened to you, after everything you've been through you could have been the enemy, you could have chosen the wrong side, be the villain... but you didn't, Bucky. After all the time the world spend torturing you, you're still trying to save it. You are still trying to be a Hero. And that's what you are: a hero."

The room is silent until Bucky speaks up.

"Do you consent?" he asks, looking right in your eyes.

You are unable to form any words so you just nod. A second later you feel Buckys soft lips prest against yours. The kiss is gentle and sweet but filled with so much love and passion, something you've never experienced before. You smile into the kiss as you feel his hands traveling up to your face, cupping your cheeks.

You both pull away, breathless and stunned by what just happened. Still breathing heavily Bucky pulls you closer to his side, putting his metal arm around your waist. You lean your head against his shoulder and a sudden wave of tiredness overcomes you.

You know that Bucky is okay for now so you allow yourself to let it happen. You close your eyes and are soon sound asleep.

When Bucky noticed your sleeping form in his arms he smiles to himself, enjoying your presence and trying to remember every moment. He pulls you closer as if he is scared that you would leave. He gives your forehead a sweet kiss before closing his own eyes.

____________________________________________

A/N

It turned out differently from what I've planned but I'm still happy with it.