His at Night

Chapter 36

After unlocking the front door, I grabbed a new bottle of scotch and two glasses then turned off the lights in the house and walked out onto the back porch. The sun had already set, and all light that was left was quickly fading. Sitting down in one of the chairs, I opened the bottle and poured half a glass before drinking it all in one swig.

A few minutes later I heard the back door slide open as Carter stepped out on the porch. He stood there for a minute looking at me, but I just kept looking over the yard at the sky. When he sat down in the chair next to me, I grabbed the bottle of scotch and topped off my glass and poured him a glass too before pushing it in front of him.

"Did you go to work today?" He asked quietly.

I gave a slow nod before taking a sip from my glass, "Yeah. I didn't want to, but if I stayed home I would have just drank all day."

He was quiet again for a minute before saying, "I ordered a pizza. It should be here soon. I figured you hadn't eaten."

"When did it start going wrong?" I asked, dismissing the pizza. I wasn't hungry.

Carter gave a small shrug as he looked at me. "I don't know. But the past few years were rough."

"Yeah. I guess they were." I said.

"That's just when I started to notice, so it must have started before that even. When problems start, you try and hide it and keep it to yourselves as much as you can at first, but eventually people around you start to notice." He said.

"So everything I did was just wrong? So wrong that I pushed her into another man's arms." I said as I gripped the glass.

Carter took a deep breath before taking a sip of his Scotch, "Everything that happened wasn't your fault. Harper even said that herself. She knows that what she did was wrong..."

"And she did it anyway." I said cutting him off.

"Yeah." he said softly, "But there were times that you made the wrong choice too."

"I wasn't out fucking a side chick." I said as I threw back my glass and drank the rest of the scotch.

"No, but you accepted your promotion without talking to Harper first." he said.

"So? It was the right move, and we needed the money." I said as if it was obvious.

"It wasn't the right move. For several reasons." Carter said pointedly. "You didn't talk to her first, your marriage was already struggling and the job separated you even more, and you knew that Harper wanted kids, but this was your way of postponing kids further rather than talking to her about it."

"It wasn't worth the fight." I said.

"Discussing your future isn't worth the fight, but shaming her publicly for wearing a dress you don't like is?"

My head snapped to look at him, "I didn't shame her."

"Yes you did. And you sat there at the table while she cried in the bathroom. There was also the night that you intentionally tried to get her drunk so she would be more willing to sleep with you. And most recently, when you forgot about your wedding anniversary."

"Well I'm just the shittiest person on the planet. Thanks for pointing that out." I said as I stood up, grabbed the bottle of scotch and walked inside.

Carter followed me inside. Sitting on the couch I poured another glass of scotch for myself.

"You know, she didn't do anything for our anniversary either." I shot back at him.

"Why would she? She planned every anniversary before this, and she felt completely unloved by you. What was there to celebrate? I think she was waiting to see if you would even remember. If it meant anything to you." he said as he sat on the other end of the couch.

"Why are you doing this?" I finally asked him. "Why are you pointing out everything I did wrong?"

"Because I'm a good friend. Even if it doesn't seem like it right now. You're hurt, and vulnerable right now, so you might actually hear what I'm saying. Normally you're so stubborn and hard headed that you just don't give a fuck." he said.

"You're just making it sound like it's all my fault." I said shaking my head.

"A lot of it was. Not all, but a lot. But I'm pointing this all out, because eventually in the future, you're going to be in another relationship. This isn't the end for you, and I want you to learn from what went wrong here. You need to learn how to be aware of what your partner needs."

Thankfully the doorbell rang and Carter got up to answer it and get the pizza. He carried it into the kitchen and put a couple pieces on two plates and brought them back out.

"I don't care if you're hungry or not. You're drinking, you need to eat." he said as he handed me my plate.

We sat there and ate in close to silence. When I was done with the pizza I put the plate on the table and sat back.

"Have you tried to call her?" He asked hesitantly.

I just shook my head as I took a deep breath, "No. Why would I?"

"I was just curious." He asked.

"She made it pretty clear it was over. There isn't any reason to chase a woman who doesn't want me." I said.

"You know I'm here to help you with anything you need." He said. "Do you want me to stay here tonight?"

"No." I said shaking my head. "Go home. I have work in the morning anyway." I said.

"If I'm not staying, will you please stop drinking?" He asked.

I let my head roll to the side to look at him. Rolling my eyes, I lifted my glass to my lips and drank the last of the scotch and set it on the table, "Done."

I walked Carter out, before locking the door and walking back through the empty house. Going into my office, I sat at my computer and pulled up my email. I just stared at the blank page for a while as I thought of what to say.

I'm sure you need all of your stuff. I don't want anything to be awkward. I can leave for a few hours this weekend so you can get stuff, or you can come while I'm on my next trip. I leave Monday. Just let me know.

I read it over and over before I just hit send and shut down the computer for the night. I know I need to let her go, but I don't want to. She was right, that we weren't in love any more. But she has been mine for so long. There was just too much that we didn't agree on. She wanted a family right away, and I just don't want that right now. She needs to be showered with affection, and I like to have time for just me. I guess I never thought I would lose her, so it wasn't a big deal.

Slowly walking back downstairs, I grabbed a blanket out of the closet and laid down on the couch and closed my eyes. Somehow I was able to sleep, probably because of the scotch.