Alexis' Diary (Tom Hiddleston fanfic/romance story)

25/03/2001 Sunday

"So I guess you're wondering what happened a week ago?"

They had sex!

No we didn't don't listen to that one. We had a very awkward shower.

Yeah, they did, I wanted to hype it up, make it seem like it wasn't a piss poor attempt at furthering the relationship. Honestly, she said she had confidence, what bullshit that was.

Look I wanted to do it, I wanted to actually do it.

You just forgot I existed, and that I make you extremely insecure about your body.

Yes, I did.

Shall we explain everything that happened?

Well it's my diary.

I wanna relive the moment!

Okay, okay jeepers.

----flashback----

"Oh umm, I mean, if you're happy to I don't mind-"

"You know what, don't worry about it I shouldn't have said anything."

I look at Tom, completely embarrassed.

I have a question, what the fuck did you just say?! Because to me it sounded like little miss purity, wait until marriage wants to shower with her boyfriend! But he'll see your body, you know you aren't that beautiful. You hardly look like a princess; I've seen the pudgy tummy you've got.

My cheeks flush red and I look to the ground, I shouldn't have said anything.

"I wouldn't mind if you wanted to join me, we won't do anything, but if you want to." Tom says, embarrassed in himself that this is happening.

"O-okay." Tom walks over to the bathroom and takes my hand, he leads me in and we help each other get undressed. I keep looking down until I notice that Tom has nothing on his top half, and I've still got a t-shirt on, my jumper being the only thing that was removed. I look up at Tom and he sees my fear.

"We don't have to do this. Go sit back down and you can wait for me to get out. I can see you're uncomfortable." Tom reassures me by rubbing my arms. I look up at him sadly and guiltily.

"I'm sorry Tom, I-"

"You don't need to apologise, if you feel uncomfortable about doing this. Go sit back down and I'll be done soon."

I nod and leave him, picking up my jumper before going to sit back down on the bed. I muffle my sobs as I feel the anxiety building up in me.

You stupid fucking idiot, did you think this was going to end well. I never had hope that you'd be able to do that, in the end you're just the scared little girl I created.

I wipe my tears when I finally have control of my thoughts again, I try to tell how long Tom has been in the shower, and make it look like I haven't actually cried, or had an attack. It's always easier said than done but I think I did well enough to fake happy.

The shower shuts off as soon as I turn the pillow over, so he doesn't see the tear stains. The door opens and he comes out only wearing a towel.

"Sorry I didn't get any clothes. I won't change in here, spare your eyes," he laughs. I nod and look away from him, so I hide my face better.

"Hey, so um, you don't have to be upset about this you know. I know you wanted to wait, and the walls are thin in here, I heard you were crying but I didn't want to interrupt you. I guessed you wanted to be alone for a while." He explains, as he says he knew I cried my eyes welled up again.