Alexis' Diary (Tom Hiddleston fanfic/romance story)

05/03/2001 Monday

A/N: Holy lord above it's been a while since I updated. I'm apparently more lazy than I thought I was lol. Just kidding I've been making some music, so I've been doing things, but God I need to do more on here. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Well, a new week; yesterday was eventful.

You're telling me!

----flashback----

"How have you been lately?"

"Good," I look up at Stephanie, trying to hide the fact I was lying.

"You're lying Alexis, there's no good in you telling me you feel something when you're not," she replies. I sigh and look back down at my hands, slowly trailing my eyes to the bandages still wrapped around my arms.

"Tom came back Tuesday," I say nonchalantly.

"Yes, I heard he went home, how did that make you feel?"

"Abandoned... especially because he didn't tell me." Stephanie tries to reply to me, but I cut her off, "not like I'm being selfish, he left me a note, and explained it all but it was scary," I rush.

"It's alright, I understand, what happened during the week he was gone? Any panic attacks... self-harm?"

I nod and tilt my arms to her; she sighs sadly but I look up at her like I've done wrong.

"No, no, no it's okay. I don't want you feeling guilty for anything, they're your feelings and you're entitled to them."

"I don't want to feel like this, I'm useless and I can't be like that. I love Tom but I know that if anything happens, I get jealous or scared that he'll leave me, it's torture."

"I know... it's very understandable and you're not the only person who feels that way, you just have to understand how to ground yourself and allow yourself to realise that Tom wouldn't do that to you."

I nod and smile slightly.

"That's a smile I loke to see. I'd recommend doing some of the exercises we've discussed on your own more. I know you're used to doing these things on your own, but your body forgets how to handle itself when you're your alone. This doesn't mean each and every time you have an attack, it means train yourself beforehand when you're not having an attack. It's like playing an instrument, you don't go into the exam without any practice. No matter how long you've been playing, you still need to practice to perfect the craft."

----time skip----

We talked for so long that I didn't realise I had run over with her schedule. I feel horrible for taking up all her time constantly.

Stephanie's words stuck with me more than usual. I've never been compared to as an instrument, so I think the metaphor freaks me out a little. Anyway being Sunday I only had studying to do; I know that Tom was doing catch up work, so I thought I'd pay him a visit to help him out. I knocked on his door and waited for him to answer.

"One second!" I heard him shout from behind the door, I giggled and looked at my invisible watch.

He opened the door.

"Well that was definitely more than a second Tom, you're getting lazy."

"Hello to you too Alexis," he laughed. He outstretched his arms and we hugged tightly walki- no, no, stumbling into his room.

"How was your session with Stephanie?" He asked as he went to his desk, I sat opposite him, cross legged on his bed.

"Okay. It's funny, you always seem to be my conversation topic," I replied, and he stifled a laugh.