saudade
/souˈdädə/
noun
a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost; the love that remains
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this is a sequel to "trouvaille" the description contain...
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BILLIE EILISH
"bro, it was so fucking awkward," i whined. "i can't even explain how much i hate that!"
"well, i get why it was awkward," finneas chuckled. "i mean, did you really expect it to be like it was three years ago?"
"no, but damn," i pouted. "oh, i also found out that ariel, like, fucking hates me now. that deadass almost made me cry."
he frowned. "well... at least you... didn't..?"
"you're so helpful." i told him sarcastically.
i fell back onto my bed, letting out a groan. "fuck, dude. i just want her back."
"you've been saying that for the past three years; trust me, i know." he chuckled.
"man, fuck you." i rolled my eyes.
"if you want her back so bad, then do something about it." he told me.
"i'm trying!" i threw my hands up.
i pulled my phone out, scrolling through instagram for a bit. i liked a few of my fan page's posts. i then stood up and walked to the living room so that i could sit at the piano. i went live after i set my phone up so that they could see me. i didn't say anything as i started playing the chords.
"breathe the air again, it's a beautiful day. i wish this moment would stay with the earth, some primal paradise. but there you go again, saying everything ends; saying you can't depend on anything or anyone." i sang.
"if the end of the world was near, where would you choose to be? if there was five more minutes of air, would you panic and hide? or run for your life? or stand here and spend it with me? if we had five more minutes, would i, could i, make you happy?"
i wonder what ag would do if she found out the world was about to end. would she try to spend her last minutes with me?
probably not.
i finished singing the song, then let out a small sigh. i looked up to my phone, briefly seeing that i had over seventy thousand people watching. i reached my hand out to end the live.
i'm gonna get ag back even if it's the last thing i do.
<•>
"do you enjoy getting to talk to ag again?" dr. merritt asked, tilting his head.
"yeah, i do," i admitted softly. "a lot, actually. even though it's awkward as hell. it's relieving to see that she doesn't hate me; either that or she actually does and she's just acting like she doesn't."
he let out a small laugh. "she doesn't hate you, i can assure you of that."
i smiled softly as i looked down at my lap and twisted my ring around my finger.
