SAUDADE // B.E

𝐈𝐈

ANNAGRACE REID

"so, both of my parents are surgeons, and practically live at the hospital," jessie started explaining. "and since they do, that left them with no time to spend with me and my brother. we always had a babysitter, and then once my brother got old enough, he was my babysitter."

"i, like... really hate my parents for that. maybe not hate, but the point is, i don't like them. before i turned twenty, they retired from their job to 'be there for me' but it was already too late, you know? like, i'm literally a grown ass woman, there's nothing for you to be there for." she rolled her eyes.

she leaned back against the couch, sitting man-spread. "they get on my nerves so much. they tried to make me not go to cal arts, and instead go to some medical school, because they thought that i need to be a surgeon like them or whatever the fuck. obviously, i said no, because i'd much rather be an artist." she grinned as she said 'artist' with a shitty french accent.

she then let out a sigh. "i know it doesn't seem like it, but it's actually really hard for me to open up like this. i hate opening up to people; especially strangers."

"it's fine, take your time." i assured her.

"thank you," she gave a nod. "uh... i don't really know what else to talk about. could you ask one of your therapist question things?"

i let out a chuckle. "yeah, sure. do you have any coping mechanisms?" i questioned.

"uh, yeah, i vape," she nodded as she pulled out a novo from her pocket to show me it. "it helps a lot."

i nodded as i wrote something down on my clipboard. "how does vaping make you feel, jessie?"

"dude, just call me jj," she chuckled. "but it's makes me feel... calm? i dunno. it's relaxing, i guess."

"right," i nodded. "have you ever tried to stop vaping?"

she immediately shook her head. "oh, hell no. this is, like— no, i can't stop. i don't— no, i haven't."

"okay," i mumbled as i wrote something down again. "anything else you would like to say before our session is over?"

"uhh," she thought for a moment. "yeah, i guess so."

she took a breath. "so, i've had... two suicide attempts. once when i was sixteen, and again when i was twenty."

she looked down at her lap, picking at her nails. "when i was sixteen, i was... i was just a dumb teenager, honestly. i had went out with these guys, who i was friends with at the time, to this abandoned train thing. we were spray painting it and the cops had shown up. i had got into a fight with one of the guys beforehand, and before he ran off, he pushed me to the ground so that i was the only one that got detained."

"when i got detained, they found out that i used spice before hand," her eyes widened when she said that. "it wasn't by choice though! one of the guys had laced his juul with it and i didn't know when i had took a hit. that's why me and him had gotten into a fight though."

"anyways, i got detained, my parents got called, and all of that. my parents said that they were disappointed in me, but in all of honesty, i really didn't care. but then jordan, my brother, said that he was disappointed in me, and that's what had sent me over the edge." she explained.

"my brother is seriously my bestfriend. i-i dunno what i would do without him. he practically raised me too, so that's another reason why it hurt to know that he was disappointed in me," she told me. "so, uh, that night i tried to overdose. it obviously failed, so now i'm here." she stuck her tongue out as she hit the woah.

don't laugh. don't laugh. don't laugh.

"then when i was twenty, i tried to overdose again. everything at the time was just so overwhelming and i was tired of it. so, i tried to un-alive myself again. i, once again, failed. obviously. you know, why the fuck won't it work? i don't wanna be here. i actually hate it here." she let out an annoyed groan.

"well, you're coming here to get help, so hopefully you won't feel like that for much longer, jj," i tried to assure her. "i'm gonna help you."

"i hope so. thank you, dr. reid," she sighed. "so, does that mean we're done for today?"

"you're welcome, and yes, it does," i nodded. "unless you want to talk some more? you know you're my last client for today."

"no, thank you," she declined. "i have talked way too much today; it's kinda exhausting."

"alright. see you next week then, jj." i nodded.

i lead her out to the waiting lobby. i watched as she started to walk out. as i was, i looked around the lobby; there were only two people.

i looked at the girl. my brows furrowed as i quickly realized who she was.

billie.

what is she doing here? well— never-mind, the answer is obvious.

but why is she in this office of all places?

at least she's finally accepted the fact that she needs help. only took her three years, but baby steps, i guess.

i looked at her. i've of course seen her all over social media and shit, but it's different when you're in person.

she definitely looks more mature. she doesn't have much of a baby face anymore; her face is more structured and defined.

i used to think that there was no way she could get prettier, but here we are.

she must've felt my staring, because her eyes scanned the room before they landed on me. her brows furrowed for a moment before her eyes widened.

shit!

i quickly closed the door and leaned against the wall, so that she couldn't see me through the glass that was in the door.

"what are you doing?" jayden asked as she walked out of her office. "you look like you've just seen a ghost or something."

"huh? i'm good," i cleared my throat as i stopped leaning against the wall. "i'm good, bro."

"you don't seem like it..." she trailed off.

"i am," i tried to reassure her. "okay, but look out there for a second; you see the girl out there? who's client is that?"

she looked out the window for a moment. "oh, that's larri's. she's been coming here on and off for about a month and a half now. why?

"a month and a half?!" my eyes widened. "for real?"

it's a surprise i've never seen her before this.

"do you know her or something?" jayden questioned.

"yeah... i used to."

<•>

a/n it feels like it's been so long since i've wrote a chapter with jj in it— i lowkey forgot how to write her 😭

anyways

thoughts?

predictions?

words:
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