Reap What You Sow 🌈

Chapter 24

Rory was a little blindsided by Adam's words. Should he have seen this coming? Perhaps he should. They had been dating for a while now. Somehow he had been convinced that this was a subject Adam wouldn't dare to touch but apparently, the boy had more nerves than Rory had given him credit for. 

Becoming his boyfriend, was that something he wanted? 

Adam was sweet. There hadn't been a single awkward silence today, it felt like the boy finally felt comfortable around him. He had the feeling he was doing violence to himself by letting a great guy like Adam walk away—and yet, he couldn't pretend yesterday hadn't happened. It didn't feel right.

"It's not that I don't want it," he said, taking Adam's hand in his so the boy looked up. It was true. The thought that Adam would become his boyfriend wasn't suffocating—he actually wanted it, even though he was afraid that he was running away from yesterday's disappointment. But somehow, his feelings for Adam had changed today and he couldn't help but feel like an idiot if he turned down Adam. "I think you're really sweet, Adam, and you're one of the most handsome guys I've ever seen. I like being around you. But I..." He took a deep breath. Adam looked like a bruised reed and more than anything, he wanted to hug him right now. 

"You don't have to explain," Adam said quietly. He wiped his shoulder across his eyes and Rory had the feeling his stomach was crumbling. "We can't help how we feel."

"But I do have feelings for you, Adam. I don't want to turn you down. But I have to tell you something and I get it if it makes you want to refrain from a relationship with me. But I don't want to hide it from you."

Before yesterday, he might have decided that Adam deserved someone better; someone who was head over heels with him. Now, however, that was harder. He wished Emilio had given him the choice to decide whether he deserved better or not. And that's why he would leave the decision to Adam. 

He cupped Adam's cheek with his hand. The boy looked like he was afraid that Rory would confess a murder and he stroked his thumb across the smooth skin. 

"I like you," he said. "From the moment we started dating. Even when you're quieter and more reserved than the guys I usually fall for. I'm not... you know, madly in love with you, but I really liked it today and I know my feelings for you are getting stronger. But I have to admit that I met someone else two weeks ago. I've only seen him three times, but my feelings for him have been strong since the beginning." He took a moment to search for words but continued before Adam could draw his own conclusions. "Yesterday we talked about it, for he feels the same for me. But he doesn't want anything serious. He uh—he's more like the bad boy type. There are a lot of things I don't like about him and although I wanted to give it a shot, he doesn't want a relationship because he's convinced that he will hurt me. And maybe—maybe it's for the best. He's not a Christian and we differ greatly from each other. Much more than you and me. I'm convinced we are a better match and I do want to give us a chance... but you deserve to know this." He dropped his eyes. "For you must feel like a second choice."

Adam had turned his face away and stared into the distance. Rory felt gloomy, he didn't know what to say. 

"I didn't know you were dating others too," he muttered after a while. 

"We weren't." Although Rory understood why it felt that way. "We didn't stay in contact after the first time we met. Last Friday, he was at the LAN party too and we hung out together. He admitted that he had only one friend and we both wanted to become friends. But... we have been close to a kiss twice," he said, and right now he felt ashamed because he hadn't thought about Adam at all. "But it didn't happen. Only yesterday, we discovered that our feelings were mutual and when we talked about it, he told me he didn't want a relationship. And he didn't want to date either."