Reap What You Sow 🌈

Chapter 22

Emilio felt embarrassed. He had the feeling everyone was watching him, although he couldn't decipher a single face. The only things he saw, were the thunder clouds in Rory's eyes, accompanied by the vulnerability in his voice and his razor-sharp words. They called up bellowing guilt — and at the same time, a part of him revolted, trying to convince him that Rory was exaggerating, that he was overreacting, that they were just friends, and that he had every right to kiss someone when he'd like to.

But that was the point. He hadn't liked to kiss that girl; he had just wanted to prove to Rory that his feelings weren't serious. He hadn't wanted to break his heart — which he seemed to have done, now. Had he let this whole thing go too far already? Were Rory's feelings just as strong as his own? 

He took a deep breath. He was inclined to walk to the bar, to get drunk and forget about all this. He fucked up. Too bad. He always fucked things up anyway. 

And yet, his reasoning sounded weak in his own ears. Rory had wanted to be friends with him; he'd given him more than once chance. Emilio doubted he would do it again, but he didn't want him to go home like this. He needed to explain why he had done it, even if it meant that he had to expose himself. Maybe, he should have done that from the start. He simply should have told Rory how he felt about things; that he had feelings for him but that he wasn't good enough for him. 

This however had seemed easier. 

Fucking things up was always easier.

For a while, he kept standing there indecisively. Whether the girl he'd kissed had said something to him he didn't know — nor did he care. He went outside and looked around. Rory was nowhere to be seen. 

His shoulders slumped. 

Just go home. Why do you care about that guy? Tomorrow, he won't even remember your name. 

But he knew that wasn't true. The guy had already lost so many people. Emilio knew he'd cared for their friendship; if not, he wouldn't have invited him tonight. Once more, he scanned the street. He had probably gone home and Emilio didn't know where he lived. Calling him was the only option he had. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he dialed the number. Anxiously he waited. For a moment he was filled with relief when he heard Rory's voice; then he realized it was his voicemail and he ended the call.

There was a lump in his throat. He felt much worse than he'd ever expected. 

. . .

For ten minutes Rory had been fighting his tears, but once he closed the bedroom door behind him, he gave up. It wasn't because Emilio didn't like him as much as he'd hoped; it was because he didn't care about his feelings at all. There was no way Emilio hadn't noticed the tension between them. 

Sitting down on the edge of his bed, he took a few deep breaths. Emilio wasn't worth his tears. No matter how often he repeated those words, it didn't take away the disappointment and hurt. His phone was buzzing in his pocket. Pulling out the device, he saw that it was Emilio and ignored the call. What would he say? That he was sorry? How was that helping — he would probably do it again anyway. He saw he had two more missed calls from Emilio, and there was also a WhatsApp message. At first, he wanted to ignore that too, but eventually, he drew his finger across the screen so he could read the text. It wasn't from Emilio; Adam had sent it an hour ago. 

Hey Rory. How are you? Would you like to hang out tomorrow after church? It feels like quite some time ago that we've seen each other. Without other people around, I mean. :$  Let me know if you would like that! <3

"Oh Adam..." he sighed softly. Why couldn't he fall in love with him? He was so sweet, he never would have treated him like Emilio had done. He had never kissed anyone but Rory. Rory stared at the heart at the end of the message; it was something Adam had never done before.