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Review#55: @Caupcayke

Book: Torn Within by Caupcayke

Reviewer: creative_maverick_Mo

Title: 

The title of your book goes really well with the content. Good job on this one. 

Blurb: 

Although your blurb summarises the content of your book, it's quite bland. It lacks emotion. Your choice of words downplayed the effect the story could have had on your audience and there were also some grammatical errors in your blurb which were honestly a turnoff. For instance: "Now she's back; not to revenge but to know why the strange accusation was laid on her before" 

The correct way to word this sentence is: "Now she's back, not for revenge but to investigate the false accusations that were made against her." 

You can see the difference between both sentences. One is clearer than the other and it also sounds cryptic and mysterious-which will make people want to read the story to find out what happens. Honestly, I think your whole blurb can be better worded. 

 You need to hook your readers by making sure your first sentence is compelling so people want to know more because lets be serious, not many people read a blurb to the end. You may also want to tell your readers in a dynamic yet enlightening way what happens in the book. Your language should be clear and your writing tone/style should arouse interest in your readers. Most times, the best blurbs end with a cliff-hanger. 

e.g.: Leticia Wagner has been through many bad things in her life but nothing prepared her for the web of lies she found herself in. When Leticia's husband accuses her of conspiring with her lover embezzling the funds of his company-a company she had never even heard of before the marriage was arranged-she is determined to exonerate herself but she is also struggling not to drown in the ocean of revenge that threatens to drag her under. Will she win both battles? Will she win any of the battles? Will there even still be a marriage after all the trouble Maverick Wagner-her husband-has put her through?

You don't have to follow this guideline but I hope it gives you an idea of how to improve the structure of your blurb. Make it short so people won't mind soaking all the words in. 

Genre: 

Your book was romantic but it also had some elements of crime in it. Good job on this part. 

Cover: 

I don't know if your book cover is still under construction because it's blank. If you're confused about how to create a cover, I'm sure there are multiple graphic shops that will be more than willing to help with this. Personally, I feel you can use a woman facing the beach with the sun hitting the ocean in all the right places. The woman's back would be facing us while she faces the ocean with her natural hair or braids on her head. She will be looking into space like she is in a trance. You could use this idea for inspiration or you can just check Pinterest and canvas for inspiration.

Plot/Structure: 

Your book was well structured. It drew me in and engaged me, it wasn't too slow or too fast. Kudos! 

Originality: 

Your story was pretty original but I would have enjoyed it better if you portrayed Leticia as a woman with purpose, strength, and ambition. It's probably just me but I felt like Leticia was a little objectified in your book. 

It would be nice to see more Nigerian/African books where the woman is the protagonist with ambition. Your stories can change the perspective of society. Also, where is Leticia from? because I think the book is set in Nigeria and Leticia is a Latin name. I think the names of your book aids the authenticity of your story and even the authenticity of your imagination as a writer. Aside from that, I really enjoyed your story. 

Grammar/Vocabulary: 

Your grammar and diction were good but they could use some improvement. I wouldn't fret too much about this part of your book if I were you because you can read through your book whenever you are done to check for your mistakes and after that, you can work hand-in-hand with a good editor to get rid of every possible mistake in your book so just relax and write your ideas as they flow through you. 

Description/Expression: 

Your expression could use some work. I am currently in the fifth chapter and I don't know what Leticia looks like and most of the time I don't know where they are. Even though you described some things like how Mide has two beds in his matrimonial bedroom, you don't give any vivid descriptions of the colors of the walls in their house or the living room. I don't know if he lives in a penthouse-because he's rich-or any other house structure. These are details that should have followed the arrival of Leticia at Mide's house. The little things improve the quality of the imagery in your book, like telling us what Leticia's eye color is, her skin tone, her stature, or her hair color. These things help to form a complete picture of whatever you are describing in your book.

Make your expressions so vivid that it feels like we are in your head too. 

Overall Enjoyment: 

I did quite enjoy your book because the direction of your storytelling was refreshing. I do believe you can do better so just work on the corrections I have given to you and get it reviewed again with more chapters and you should be good. You also don't have to follow these guidelines. After all, it's your book. Also, good job with the quotes at the beginning of every chapter. I enjoyed them. I even began to look forward to them at some point.