Title: Walls of a Crazy Time Traveler
By: Moncef707
Review by: Evergreen_Ebony
Title : It is okay, but the walls don't seem to be a primary factor in the story. Therefore, I think you could change it.
Cover: Sadly, the people who say don't judge a book by it's cover are lying. A plain, black cover is not good. At all. The first impression it will give readers is that you did not put any effort into your story.
Summary/Blurb : The description is okay, just check for a few punctuation errors.
General Concept/Plot: The concept is unique and the general idea you have laid out for the story is good. However, you revealed too many details in the first chapter.
Grammar/Punctuation/Structure:
There are a lot of grammatical errors, and absence of correct punctuation. You also need to avoid the excess use of exclamation marks and the phrase 'I____' For instance, there are many sentences that start with or include I did this or I did that. Try to restructure your sentences. Additionally, the paragraphs are too long. Adjust them so you don't lose the attention of readers.
Writing Style: I could see a lot of dark humour and the cocky narrative voice of the main character. That being said, you should watch out for themes that may violate Wattpad guidelines (e.g the 'encounter' with the suicidal girl in chapter two). Put a warning in your blurb about anything that may be triggering/disturbing to readers. There is also lot of 'telling' in comparison to 'showing'. It made most of the important concepts seem passive. Try to incorporate details into dialogue.
Setting: Environmental details are lacking. Try to depict the scenes better, e.g. the locations and sounds.
Characters: The main character, Darian Picker, is the primary focus but all the supporting characters are one dimensional. Your story will be much better with fleshed out supporting characters.
Conclusion: I hope you accept my review in good faith. It is not meant to offend or discourage you. Please consider the points I raised. Best wishes and good luck.
Ebony
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