Man of the Match | DaiSuga

Chapter 31

Asahi POV :

I received a message from Daichi letting me know he had arrived in Tokyo. I smiled to myself looking at the photo's he had attached, he seemed to be enjoying himself. "Will you stop worrying about him?" Nishinoya asked from behind me where he sat on the couch, I was sat on the floor between his legs as we both watched TV and he braided my hair. At least I think he was braiding my hair, but I didn't care much - it was super relaxing. I felt myself hum in response to him. He was always so calm and gentle when it was just us - alone. He was the sweetest boyfriend I could ever ask for.

"Hey Asahi?" He asks, sounding a bit quieter than normal. I simply hummed as a response too relaxed to formulate words if I didn't have to. The TV was practically playing to itself as I found myself either scrolling through my phone or just closing my eyes and relaxing as Noya messed with my hair. "When can we be public?" He asked timidly. The question took me a little by surprise. I tried to turn my head but he still had a grip on my hair, he positioned my head back looking towards the TV before sighing and continuing. "We've been dating for 6 months Asahi... When can we tell people and act like an actual couple... not sneaking around all the time." He sounded hurt, I didn't need to see him to recognise the hurt in his voice. 

I felt guilty, I just wasn't ready to come out as gay-gay. There was a difference between identifying as gay openly and walking around with a boyfriend. I was crazy worried about bullying since I already didn't have the best image, I don't want attention to come to me. I know Yuu wants us to do normal romantic couple stuff - and it isn't that I don't want that. I just don't want the negatives that come with that. I don't think my anxiety would let me. I felt tears in the corner of my eyes at the silence that had settled over us. Yuu was still playing with my hair but the calming factor had left - I felt my thoughts swarming in an attempt to consume me. 

"Can we at least tell someone, someone we can be ourselves around. I'm tired of hiding Asahi." He said quietly. I could hear how badly he wanted it in his voice, I knew he wanted to show me off. It wasn't our first conversation on the topic - I know you want to walk holding hands with me, I know you want to give me the odd peck on the cheek in public, I know you want to show me off like a trophy. However, I'm not good in the spotlight, I can't cope with stares or odd looks. I stayed silent, not sure what to say, what do you say to someone you love who is clearly hurting. 

I tried to trace a triangle on my hand as I had taught Daichi to. Slow your breathing Asahi, calm down, think logically not emotionally. I managed to calm a little but I could still hear the overbearing thoughts in my mind. "I want to do normal couple stuff with you Noya... I just..." I felt a lump forming in my throat. "It just terrifies me." I admitted quietly. I felt Noya drop my hair, as his weight shifted from behind me and I saw him enter my vision as he sat in-front of me legs crossed. He held out his hands, and I took them gladly as he rubbed small circles with his thumb on the back of my hand. 

He leant forward kissing my cheek before leaning back again and smiling reassuringly. "Why don't we just tell Daichi, or Suga... I just..." He hesitated before continuing. "I just sometimes feel like I'm just a dirty secret. I know I'm not but - sometimes I can't always convince myself I am not." He offered me a sweet smile, "It isn't like I want to out you to the world before you're ready... just someone. I guess I just need the reassurance." The circles he was rubbing on my hands was keeping me calm. I understand Noya, I do. I'm just a coward, as you always remind me. I'm so afraid. Smiling at him I opened up my phone before leaning over to him to kiss his cheek, snapping a selfie as I did. He turned around, sitting with his back against my chest to see what I was doing on my phone. 

While he was sat looking at my phone screen, I sent the photo to Daichi. 

You : sent one attachment

You : I guess this is the worst kept secret - surprise.

Noya looked up at me smiling widely. "Thank you Asahi - I know that was scary for you." He nuzzled back into my chest, him laying here made any fear I had vanish. "I love you giant." He smiled tilting his head up waiting patiently for a kiss. 

I smiled at how adorable he is, "I love you too tiny." I leant forward to meet his lips as we both melted into a gentle kiss.